I'm In A Glass Case of Emotion!!

....or should I say 30 case...


When you mix alcohol with college kids, you know there's bound to be trouble. But it's kind of like separating peanut butter and jelly or jam and bread or mac and cheese: NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

Last night was Saturday night and oh what a night! Starts off at my friends' townhouse where we are just hanging out and relaxing until people come and pick us up to take us to another apartment where we, again, just hangout and relax until we go to the actual party around 11 (at another apartment). Why 11 and so late? Because that's the time that people actually start going out and you don't want to get somewhere so early and have no one be there. Duh. The boys watch the game--I think USC?--and the girls play with the dog or take pictures of themselves (guilty). Then, my friend asks me to go to the bathroom with her. Yes, she is a fully enabled human being who is pretty good (most of the time) at dressing and grooming herself, so I immediately knew she wanted to talk about something kinda big and maybe not all that good because A) the bathroom is where you go when you're around alot of people in an unfamiliar place and even though the music is loud it's that big of a deal so you need privacy and B) she asked me and not her twin sister (who was also there). Uhh oh.

So she tells me she likes this guy, we'll call him Jason, who we have been hanging out with recently. Great, I say. Go for it. He's cute, you're cute, what's amiss here? Nothing. WRONG.

So my friend, we'll call her Mary-Kate, starts hanging around him more and they play a drinking game and everything is good. I'm talking to someone else when her sister, we'll call her Ashley, asks me to go to the bathroom. Are you guys trying to make me look like I have a bladder disorder so no guys here will talk to me? So we're coming back down the stairs when Ashley tells me that she likes Jason too. Ohh shit. I say, "Ohh ok. Umm I think you should talk to your sister." "Why?" "I don't know. Have you told her you like him?" "No. Why would that matter?" "Ohh, it wouldn't. I just assumed that you had told her. Before you do anything, you guys should talk." "Oh my God does she like him too?!?" "Uhh......."

Seriously. Out of ALL the guys in the world, ALL the guys at SMU, ALL the guys at the party, they have to like the same one. Superb.

So we come back from the bathroom and go talk to different people. Five minutes later I see, out of the corner of my eye, Mary-Kate and Ashley BOTH talking to Jason, vying for his attention, and he's cornered. Poor guy.

Go to the party. It's fun. I meet people. A guy from Russia and a guy from Germany, among others. Mary-Kate and Ashley are trying to talk to Jason a lot throughout the night as well as other people to not seem desperate...but mostly him. While giving each other the evil eye. So I'm talking to Russia when, all of a sudden, he starts taking jabs at me and making fun of me! What the hell? "It's all in good fun," he assures me. "No, it's not. It's not funny." I turn to leave when he grabs my hand and WON'T. LET. GO. Germany tries to direct my attention by talking about the weather in Germany and the Winter Solstice (WTF?) and Russia reassures me that I DO want to stay and talk to him and listen to him make fun of me some more. Riiiiiight. I give him the death stare as I command him to LET GO OR REGRET IT. So weird. What is it with internationals? Communication barrier. Weird sense of humor. It's not attractive.

So I'm kind of liking this one guy who Mary-Kate knows. I ask her to introduce me and all is good. I tell her that if she talks to him later to bring me up and see what he says. She does. Then, later, I'm talking to Mary-Kate and Jason when this guy, we'll call him Freddy, starts motioning for me to come over. Ok cool, I think. WRONG. He asks if Mary-Kate has said anything about him. What? I'm confused. He likes her. Should he ask her out? he asks. Trying to be a nice person but really wanting to scream, "SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU AT ALL-I DO!" I politely say, "I don't know. Just go talk to her." Before she's blindsided, I give her a heads up. She's ecstatic! Not. Not knowing what to do and fed up with Russia AND Freddy, I realize that this is not turning out to be my night. I decide to go outside for fresh air and find one of our friends, we'll call him Kruger, outside and sad. Good, I think, a bonding opportunity. We can bond in our sucky nights. I ask him what's wrong and, bet you would never have guessed it, he's basically in love with Ashley and she's not giving him any attention and he doesn't know why. HAHAHAHAAAHA, I think, you couldn't write this stuff! Everyone likes someone else who likes someone else who likes someone else. Fabulous. We bond.

Then Mary-Kate comes out to tell me that we're going to leave. Finally. It's 3 AM but it feels like we've only been there for 20 minutes. It was a fun...scratch that...interesting and life lesson learning night. Then Freddy comes out, gives me the thumbs up, and says he got her number. "Great," I say, trying to be reassuring with my plastered smile. One of our friends drank too much and we have to carry her to the car. In the rain. It's pouring buckets and you can't see ten feet in front of you. The umbrella rips. I'm soaked. And in a white t-shirt. Carrying my friend. So fun. We get back to their apartment and everyone who jammed themselves into the car with us decided that they're ALL going to spend the night. I get my friend upstairs and safely in bed and when I come back down, everyone has claimed their sleeping spots. I get to sleep in a little chair while one of the guys takes over the blow up mattress. Chivalry is definitely dead. I find the floor much more comfortable until I finally resign to going upstairs and sleeping next to my friend on her pillow-top mattress. This is around 4 AM after the guys decided that they wanted Chinese. Yes, there is a Chinese food delivery place that delivers until 4 AM. Who would have known.

Wake up to some really loud noises coming from the middle floor. The twins don't have dogs but it legitimately sounds like there are dogs BARKING in their house. Ten Bull Dogs. I go down to see what the deal is when the sound reverberates off the walls and stuns me still. It like traps me and I cannot think of what to do, where to go, or how to get my body moving. The sound takes over my brain. The guys are ALL snoring. The sound is so loud when they snore, but it bounces off the walls and makes it twice as loud in the second floor until it travels up the stairs to the twins' rooms. I find ear plugs on the kitchen counter and am really surprised that they have such a random thing lying around and put a few in. NOT HELPING. There is no way I can go back to sleep and it's only 8 in the morning. 4 hours of sleep. I go back upstairs to lay in bed for an hour trying, trying, trying to sleep. No luck. The sounds are haunting me.

Ashley finally wakes up and we go over the previous night, laughing hysterically at the ridiculousness and hoping against hope that it never happens again. So until the next Saturday night, this is Ron Burgundy and

Stay Classy. Or just try to get there in the first place.