Facebook Stalking Central: Apartment 201

We've all done it. It's ok. I admit it. I am a Facebook Stalker. Don't judge.

You can't say you've never done it. You're innocently writing on your friend's wall then you see photos of them a little ways down the page posted by someone you kinda-know-but-not-really so you click on the pictures and one thing leads to another and you're 3 hours into a session where you only meant to check your inbox and now you're looking at pictures of your neighbor's girlfriend's cats. It happens. You snap out of it and realize what a creeper you are and casually look over your shoulder just to make sure no one else has noticed. You're alone in your room. But you still feel weird. But kinda like you got away with something...

One of my friends has a cousin who is very attractive. I creep on him sometimes. I've talked to him maybe a few times in my life. I am so embarrassed repeating this but there's no judging allowed at this site so I know I'm ok. I know I am not alone. Plus my roommates are waaay bigger Facebook creeps than I am.

Take Saturday night, for example. Bag Lady has known the guy I finally started a FB chat with for awhile. And by know, I mean she knows his Facebook page. She Facebook stalked him like it was going out of style--like the makers of Facebook were going to shut it down any moment without any notice at all. I would be sitting in my room and then all of a sudden hear squeals of delight from her room. WTF? "OH EM GEEE! His status says he got a new puppy and LOVES her. Soooo cute! It means he has a sensitive side." "Maybe next time (or the first time) you talk to him you can ask about his dog he's never told you about. You'll know the name and everything. That way you can bypass all those little details of getting to know him because you've already read his info/interests/wall/pictures 1928908234 times. That wouldn't be sufficiently akward or anything..." I say.

Our adoptive roommate, Beautiful Hair Girl, is even worse. She likes this guy, Milo, but is not Facebook friends with him. They have a class together. She's afraid to Facebook befriend him because he doesn't know she exists. And yet every class she's drooling in the back. I THINK she's passing.... Anyway, he is Facebook friends with Bag Lady so BHG gets on Bag Lady's Facebook to stalk him. Not creepy (or desperate) at all. I'm getting ready in the bathroom when Bag Lady starts going through his site one day. "He takes weird pictures. In a lot of them he's posing with a purse........OMG his profile says "Married" do you think he's married? He's a sophomore! Is that a joke?.....Wait a second....(as she goes deeper into the archived pictures)...does he have a KID?!?! There is a legit kid with him in a lot of pictures that looks like him." A few days later, BHG is over and I hear something going on in the room next door so I go over and they are watching some BET thing on the internet and reading a personal-writing-thing. What are you guys doing? "Ohh Milo had these things on his Facebook so we are trying to learn more about him and what he likes and see if we like it too."



(I literally stood there for a few minutes because there was NOTHING I could think of to say. I also just stopped typing for a few minutes because there was nothing for me to type after that. My mind was blank. I was trying to comprehend.) So I just laughed. REALLY LOUD. Probably like you might have.



There needs to be an FBSA or something. Facebook Stalkers Anonymous. Oh wait, that's the problem isn't it? My B.