It's me.
Do you remember me?
Probably not.
I barely remember me.
But, yes, this is real life. I'm here. I'm writing. I'm doing it...despite the totally inappropriate hour where I will be waking up in 3 hours to go to a 2 hour practice to do what enables me to be in this wonderful city doing what I love surrounded by the people who keep me going every single day. (Except for all of you at home reading this, of course. Even though I don't talk to you, you keep me going. I do think about you. And I'm not just saying that. I think too much. About you. And about things. Which is why I'm here instead of sleeping and preparing my body and mind for the grueling practice awaiting me. I can't sleep when I think. And vice versa.)
Do you ever wonder about that? Do you ever wish you wouldn't think so much? I do. All the time. I think way too much. About a lot of things. Which is why, in my room, there are journals hidden all over the place full of stories and thoughts and things that I think about when I lie awake at night. I'll never get this time back. I'll never get this time to sleep back. And it's ok. It's what I choose.....I suppose. Unconsciously.
Anyway, I have lots of stories for you. I was thinking about them today as I ran. Running is my blogging time. And I've been meaning to get back to you. It's been a month. AKA too long. You need to know what I'm up to, right? I figured. Well, the answer is: lots of things. Too many things. Which is why I have many stories to write for you. But not now. I need to take a little nap before practice. But how about a little taste, eh? Ok, that'll do.
I'll give you the titles of the stories. They are: "The Date"; "The Fight"; "The Dedicated Starbucks Customer (and it's not me)"; "The New Melrose Place"; "The Bad News Bears"; "The Sacrifice"; "The Happiness"; "The Process"; "The Power Struggle". Enough? I thought so. Hopefully I'll be able to pound these out soon. And, I'll be honest. It's not just for you. It's for me too.
You see, I'm obsessed with recording things. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's a self-preservation thing where, if I forget, it'll be there in writing and/or recording to remind me. My friends look at me like I'm psycho when I shove a video camera in their face BUT they are incredibly happy when I capture the insane moments of our lives that show us exactly who we are. And, yes, I'm not overexaggerating. You see yourself in a different way when you are recorded. Trust me. I never thought I was an idiot UNTIL I saw myself looking like an idiot.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Nah, I think I'll wreck myself. That way I can pick up the pieces and write about it. That's what it's all about, right?
Showing posts with label love yourself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love yourself. Show all posts
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
RAAAAAAAWR
goes the polar bear.
The polar bear who did the Polar Bear Plunge. AKA: me.
That's right. We jumped into our pool last night at midnight after school had cancelled classes that day and declared an Ice Day.
Ice Day=jumping into your pool? Too dangerous to go to school=safe enough to go swimming? Yep. Ohh...yeahh....and it was 16 degrees outside. And we went in our swimsuits. I'm pretty sure it was the adrenaline pumping that kept us warm but YES we got all the way in.
There were four of us brave ones. My roommate took pictures and uploaded them to facebook last night. I awoke this morning to reactions such as, "I hope you're not sick today missy..." "NO YOU DID NOT." "That's so badass!!" "Dude, this is made up." "I can't believe you--I couldn't be outside for 5 seconds!" and lastly, my favorite: "You inspired us. Brad and I are doing it tonight. We feel like we need to match your insanity. And we're gonna one-up you."
I responded with: "You will never one-up me."
Because they won't.
Regardless, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt AND help the boys out. We took some good measures to ensure a "safe" and "warm" plunge and I gave them the tips. Since I know all you people who read this are as hardcore as me, I'll give you the same advice so you too can have a successful plunge.
Oh, and as always, I will post pictures.
1) Wear a swimsuit. getting out of a pool into 16 degree weather wearing wet clothes is just stupid whereas wearing a swimsuit is brilliant. You can dry your skin with a towel much better than trying to dry clothes--they'll just freeze to your body.
2) Bring lots of towels. If you think you have enough towels while you're heading out the door, grab another one.
3) Put a towel down on the ground to step on when you get out of the pool. Freezing your feet to the ground would be horrible (insert A Christmas Story reference here about the tongue-frozen-to-the-pole thing.) No fun.
4) Wear Uggs (or similarly warm shoes) to put on immediately after. Your feet will thank you. NO FLIP-FLOPS.
5) If you have a robe, wear it. Put it on after you dry yourself with the towel and your vastly dropping body temperature will thank you and quite possibly recover.
Any questions? You know where to find the master of Tha Polar Bear.
You're only young once! Live it up!
The polar bear who did the Polar Bear Plunge. AKA: me.
That's right. We jumped into our pool last night at midnight after school had cancelled classes that day and declared an Ice Day.
Ice Day=jumping into your pool? Too dangerous to go to school=safe enough to go swimming? Yep. Ohh...yeahh....and it was 16 degrees outside. And we went in our swimsuits. I'm pretty sure it was the adrenaline pumping that kept us warm but YES we got all the way in.
There were four of us brave ones. My roommate took pictures and uploaded them to facebook last night. I awoke this morning to reactions such as, "I hope you're not sick today missy..." "NO YOU DID NOT." "That's so badass!!" "Dude, this is made up." "I can't believe you--I couldn't be outside for 5 seconds!" and lastly, my favorite: "You inspired us. Brad and I are doing it tonight. We feel like we need to match your insanity. And we're gonna one-up you."
I responded with: "You will never one-up me."
Because they won't.
Regardless, I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt AND help the boys out. We took some good measures to ensure a "safe" and "warm" plunge and I gave them the tips. Since I know all you people who read this are as hardcore as me, I'll give you the same advice so you too can have a successful plunge.
Oh, and as always, I will post pictures.
1) Wear a swimsuit. getting out of a pool into 16 degree weather wearing wet clothes is just stupid whereas wearing a swimsuit is brilliant. You can dry your skin with a towel much better than trying to dry clothes--they'll just freeze to your body.
2) Bring lots of towels. If you think you have enough towels while you're heading out the door, grab another one.
3) Put a towel down on the ground to step on when you get out of the pool. Freezing your feet to the ground would be horrible (insert A Christmas Story reference here about the tongue-frozen-to-the-pole thing.) No fun.
4) Wear Uggs (or similarly warm shoes) to put on immediately after. Your feet will thank you. NO FLIP-FLOPS.
5) If you have a robe, wear it. Put it on after you dry yourself with the towel and your vastly dropping body temperature will thank you and quite possibly recover.
Any questions? You know where to find the master of Tha Polar Bear.
AHHHHHH!
You're only young once! Live it up!
Picture captions (in order):
1) BEFORE THE MADNESS!!!!
1) BEFORE THE MADNESS!!!!
2) Ice covering everything. We ice skated there, no joke.
3) Fountain look familiar? This is the same fountain that my roommate and I washed our blue avatar-selves off in back in August. Frozen solid now.
4) THA POOOOOL
4) THA POOOOOL
5) THA Roommate.
6) Friend.
7) Friend.
8) MEEEEE
9) Me in the red robe helping my roommate get dried off while friend is freezing.
10) Roommate running back to the warmth!
10) Roommate running back to the warmth!
11) FRIEND IN SHOCK
Monday, January 10, 2011
I Officially Belong Here
Gone are the days of believing I was born to live in the bustling city of New York strolling up and down Park Avenue clad in designer items on my way to see the latest Broadway play.
Gone are the days of feeling like I've escaped becoming a townie or a Kansas hillbilly.
Gone are the days of believing I am too glamorous for good ole' Shawnee. Sometimes called "a backwards town" (by those who don't live here and know its true inherent value, by the way), it has a reputation of being old and rundown. But it's not.
After years of looking at some Shawnee citizens in our local grocery store and thinking, "I hope I'm not like one of those," now I definitely feel like one.
You see, I was born with a mouth full of messed up teeth. A late bloomer when it came to absolutely everything in my life, I was still losing my baby teeth as I entered high school. And then we were informed that there were three baby teeth I would never lose....because no adult teeth developed to replace them! I'M DEFECTIVE!!! Anyway, since I was getting older, we were advised to put braces on my teeth (including the baby ones) to straighten out my mouth. Later, the baby teeth would wear out and I would have to get fake ones. So, entering high school with a mouth full of braces that resembled a roller coaster (I'm not exaggerating--I literally had teeth all over the place), my self-esteem was immediately shot to the ground before anyone else had any chance to do it themselves. It was super. But I survived.
Fast forward 6 and a half years later to this week. My teeth are straight, white, and hurting. The baby ones, anyway. Their time has come to leave the nest. They've done their time and I've worn them out. So my mom took me to the oral surgeon to have one of my upper teeth removed. I was practically peeing my pants as I waited for the surgeon to stick my gums with that huge-a** needle so that he could put a pair of huge-a** pliers in there to yank out a tooth. Before he stuck that huge-a** needle in my mouth, I almost jumped out of the chair and screamed, "You don't have to do this! I can bear the pain for the rest of my life! Don't stick me with that thing!" But I didn't. Because then I remembered I was 21 years old (not 8) and should be fully matured and capable of getting a baby tooth pulled. Well I got the baby tooth pulled, but I'm not convinced I'm fully matured. Late bloomer, remember?
Anyway, ever since I've had this tooth out, I can feel a hole in my mouth. And I don't feel glamorous. At all. And I feel like I either got into a townie bar fight at Johnny's Tavern (here in good ole' Shawnee) or that I'm a hillbilly who drunkenly let one of my friends pull out my tooth like in The Hangover. You can't see the hole at all, but I'm my own worst critic and demand perfection at every turn so I know it's there. And I? Don't. Like. It.
Sure I'm going to get a fake tooth soon and sure you don't know it's missing unless I show you OR laugh obnoxiously loud with my mouth wide open.... soooo who cares? No one, that's who. NO ONE CARES.
So now I just have to get over it. Over this feeling of being a hillbilly. But I doubt I will. I'm officially one of those Shawnee citizens. Super.
Gone are the days of feeling like I've escaped becoming a townie or a Kansas hillbilly.
Gone are the days of believing I am too glamorous for good ole' Shawnee. Sometimes called "a backwards town" (by those who don't live here and know its true inherent value, by the way), it has a reputation of being old and rundown. But it's not.
After years of looking at some Shawnee citizens in our local grocery store and thinking, "I hope I'm not like one of those," now I definitely feel like one.
You see, I was born with a mouth full of messed up teeth. A late bloomer when it came to absolutely everything in my life, I was still losing my baby teeth as I entered high school. And then we were informed that there were three baby teeth I would never lose....because no adult teeth developed to replace them! I'M DEFECTIVE!!! Anyway, since I was getting older, we were advised to put braces on my teeth (including the baby ones) to straighten out my mouth. Later, the baby teeth would wear out and I would have to get fake ones. So, entering high school with a mouth full of braces that resembled a roller coaster (I'm not exaggerating--I literally had teeth all over the place), my self-esteem was immediately shot to the ground before anyone else had any chance to do it themselves. It was super. But I survived.
Fast forward 6 and a half years later to this week. My teeth are straight, white, and hurting. The baby ones, anyway. Their time has come to leave the nest. They've done their time and I've worn them out. So my mom took me to the oral surgeon to have one of my upper teeth removed. I was practically peeing my pants as I waited for the surgeon to stick my gums with that huge-a** needle so that he could put a pair of huge-a** pliers in there to yank out a tooth. Before he stuck that huge-a** needle in my mouth, I almost jumped out of the chair and screamed, "You don't have to do this! I can bear the pain for the rest of my life! Don't stick me with that thing!" But I didn't. Because then I remembered I was 21 years old (not 8) and should be fully matured and capable of getting a baby tooth pulled. Well I got the baby tooth pulled, but I'm not convinced I'm fully matured. Late bloomer, remember?
Anyway, ever since I've had this tooth out, I can feel a hole in my mouth. And I don't feel glamorous. At all. And I feel like I either got into a townie bar fight at Johnny's Tavern (here in good ole' Shawnee) or that I'm a hillbilly who drunkenly let one of my friends pull out my tooth like in The Hangover. You can't see the hole at all, but I'm my own worst critic and demand perfection at every turn so I know it's there. And I? Don't. Like. It.
Sure I'm going to get a fake tooth soon and sure you don't know it's missing unless I show you OR laugh obnoxiously loud with my mouth wide open.... soooo who cares? No one, that's who. NO ONE CARES.
So now I just have to get over it. Over this feeling of being a hillbilly. But I doubt I will. I'm officially one of those Shawnee citizens. Super.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Where are you going?
This is a throwback. An oldie. A classic.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I was asked this question last night by an adult I've known for years....and I literally almost responded with, "an astronaut." (We'll discuss my tendencies for supplying sarcastic and unrealistic responses in order to disguise the unfortunate and boring reality that is my life later...)
Surprisingly, however, becoming an astronaut is just as likely as anything else right now. (Not really. I'm excessively exaggerating--I'm not in an engineering program, I have no plans of getting a PhD in space mechanics, and I have too sensitive of a stomach to pass one of those tests where they spin you around really quickly.) But still. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
Am I in the business school? Yes. Is there an obvious career path for me when I graduate? Sort of.
I was contemplating going to Grad school or getting a job immediately after graduation (which is looming in my too-soon future.) All of this was complicated even more--and fast forwarded--when I met with my advisor the other day and he informed me that I'm so ahead of the game that I can save myself a lot of time and money and graduate next December. NEXT DECEMBER. AKA....a year from now! This suggestion went in one ear and out of the other. It's out of the question.
First of all, I'll only be 22 and I'll have plenty of time on my hands; I plan to live until I'm 80. Don't we all? Ahhh the young; we're so indestructible. I'll still be working out to the max and answering trivia questions like Wikipedia. (Trust me, I've already taken measures to extend my life. I've begun using repairing eye cream and I do sudoku and crossword puzzles to keep my brain sharp.) Anyway, secondly, SMU pays for my tuition and room and board (and then some) so I actually won't save any money. Third of all, do I want to quit rowing the middle of my senior year? Answer: yes, I'll probably be so exhausted by then that I'll want to, but I know I'll miss it so incredibly much and regret that decision for the rest of my life. I'm not a quitter. So that's also out of the question.
Regardless, this new opportunity put me on the fast track for some decision making--it made me realize how close the future actually is...damnit. Since I decided to stay at SMU for another semester without any required classes, I think I'm going to try and turn my English minor into an English major. I LOVE English. And I have extra time.
This resulted in MORE questions. My advisor said a lot of people who major in English go to Law School. Law School? I've entertained the idea before, but I hate the thought of taking out student loans. And what if I don't like it? What if I end up never using my degree? What a waste. I just don't know.... And IF Law School, then where? SMU Law? In my dreams. So expensive. Could I even get in? I've gotta stay in the south, so UT Austin? I'd love to. California? I may go to Law School just to move to Cali....joking....but not. When do I take the LSAT? Do I pay the $1,200 for the LSAT prep class just to try to cram it into my already overflowing schedule in the spring? Sweet Jesus, this blows.
Do I graduate and then go straight to work? If so, where? I plan on staying in Dallas (sorry, family) so I'll probably get a risk management job working 60-70 hours a week and go for runs with my Great Dane after an exhilarating (joke) day at work. (Yes, that is one thing I'm certain of: I want a massive dog for my running buddy.) Perhaps I could think about and study for Law School after I graduate and get a job....good gracious this is difficult.
And what about writing? Future job or just a hobby? I've always dreamed of writing for a magazine or becoming a book editor but....we'll see. And, after all of this, will I just end up being a stay-at-home mom with 4 (hopefully) kids running around with paint all over their hands and mud all over their feet? No....freaking....clue.
Well, whatever. I know that whatever decision I make is the right decision and will take me where I need to go. Do I want to go to Law School? Sure. I just bought a pair of fake glasses the other day that make me look really smart and I'd fit right in. Do I want to work? Of course. Making money sure beats the hell out of spending it. Do I want to go to Grad School? Yeah, I'd put off the real world for a few more years. Mommy? Of course I want kids. So it looks like all options are valid.
Now, I just need a decision. Eh, maybe I'll make one in a few months.....maybe.
And now, the throwback:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I was asked this question last night by an adult I've known for years....and I literally almost responded with, "an astronaut." (We'll discuss my tendencies for supplying sarcastic and unrealistic responses in order to disguise the unfortunate and boring reality that is my life later...)
Surprisingly, however, becoming an astronaut is just as likely as anything else right now. (Not really. I'm excessively exaggerating--I'm not in an engineering program, I have no plans of getting a PhD in space mechanics, and I have too sensitive of a stomach to pass one of those tests where they spin you around really quickly.) But still. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
Am I in the business school? Yes. Is there an obvious career path for me when I graduate? Sort of.
I was contemplating going to Grad school or getting a job immediately after graduation (which is looming in my too-soon future.) All of this was complicated even more--and fast forwarded--when I met with my advisor the other day and he informed me that I'm so ahead of the game that I can save myself a lot of time and money and graduate next December. NEXT DECEMBER. AKA....a year from now! This suggestion went in one ear and out of the other. It's out of the question.
First of all, I'll only be 22 and I'll have plenty of time on my hands; I plan to live until I'm 80. Don't we all? Ahhh the young; we're so indestructible. I'll still be working out to the max and answering trivia questions like Wikipedia. (Trust me, I've already taken measures to extend my life. I've begun using repairing eye cream and I do sudoku and crossword puzzles to keep my brain sharp.) Anyway, secondly, SMU pays for my tuition and room and board (and then some) so I actually won't save any money. Third of all, do I want to quit rowing the middle of my senior year? Answer: yes, I'll probably be so exhausted by then that I'll want to, but I know I'll miss it so incredibly much and regret that decision for the rest of my life. I'm not a quitter. So that's also out of the question.
Regardless, this new opportunity put me on the fast track for some decision making--it made me realize how close the future actually is...damnit. Since I decided to stay at SMU for another semester without any required classes, I think I'm going to try and turn my English minor into an English major. I LOVE English. And I have extra time.
This resulted in MORE questions. My advisor said a lot of people who major in English go to Law School. Law School? I've entertained the idea before, but I hate the thought of taking out student loans. And what if I don't like it? What if I end up never using my degree? What a waste. I just don't know.... And IF Law School, then where? SMU Law? In my dreams. So expensive. Could I even get in? I've gotta stay in the south, so UT Austin? I'd love to. California? I may go to Law School just to move to Cali....joking....but not. When do I take the LSAT? Do I pay the $1,200 for the LSAT prep class just to try to cram it into my already overflowing schedule in the spring? Sweet Jesus, this blows.
Do I graduate and then go straight to work? If so, where? I plan on staying in Dallas (sorry, family) so I'll probably get a risk management job working 60-70 hours a week and go for runs with my Great Dane after an exhilarating (joke) day at work. (Yes, that is one thing I'm certain of: I want a massive dog for my running buddy.) Perhaps I could think about and study for Law School after I graduate and get a job....good gracious this is difficult.
And what about writing? Future job or just a hobby? I've always dreamed of writing for a magazine or becoming a book editor but....we'll see. And, after all of this, will I just end up being a stay-at-home mom with 4 (hopefully) kids running around with paint all over their hands and mud all over their feet? No....freaking....clue.
Well, whatever. I know that whatever decision I make is the right decision and will take me where I need to go. Do I want to go to Law School? Sure. I just bought a pair of fake glasses the other day that make me look really smart and I'd fit right in. Do I want to work? Of course. Making money sure beats the hell out of spending it. Do I want to go to Grad School? Yeah, I'd put off the real world for a few more years. Mommy? Of course I want kids. So it looks like all options are valid.
Now, I just need a decision. Eh, maybe I'll make one in a few months.....maybe.
And now, the throwback:
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Edit
You may have noticed that I edited my personal information to the left.
You may not have noticed because you honestly couldn't care less.**
Luckily for you, I don't care whether you noticed or not; I'm going to tell you why I changed it anyway.
I wish I could take the credit for the idea of changing my profile information, but I can't. A family friend messaged me pointing out some obvious contradictions between the info on the left and some of my blog entries. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed. How could it be so blatantly obvious that I wasn't correctly portraying myself in the box to the left as compared with how honest I was being in my posts? (Again, who really cares anyway? But just stick with me here.)
It got me thinking.
Am I being honest at all? Am I trying to portray myself in contradicting fashions to different audiences? Am I living by the well-known mantra "Do as I say, not as I do"? Unfortunately, I felt the answers were yes.
It got me acting.
I've decided to try this thing called "not-judging-people." I know, pretty novel idea right? Lately, I've been feeling like there's so much drama surrounding me that I shouldn't even be involved in at all. I hate drama. I don't cause drama. I refuse to partake in it. Yet, it still seems to slowly creep in and consume my thoughts and cause immense amounts of anxiety. Therefore, I've made a decision to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and to ignore them when they come to me with new gossip and scandal. I need to quit critiquing others' decisions because, guess what, it's their decision. And (this is quite shocking as well) they live with those decisions, not me. I'm going to focus on myself and only the positivity in my life. I'm not going to judge others because (this is kind of selfish) I don't want them to judge me or my decisions. We need to highlight people's positive attributes, not dig for their dastardly imperfections and mistakes.
I'm editing myself.
Similarly, I'm going to try to be honest. No, I'm not going to empty my life story onto some complete stranger like the bank teller did to me the other day. I am, however, going to think, act, and speak as me. Not someone I want to be. Not someone I used to be. Not someone I'm going to be. But I need to focus more on being me.
Figuring out just exactly who is "me" is confusing and exhausting enough....so how can I possibly have the time, energy, and imagination to be someone I'm not?
**NOTE: the above entry is a bunch of random thoughts that have been floating around my head as a result of recent events that occurred this past weekend. It's a jumbled mess and I feel really weird that it's out there for everyone and their mom to read, but I suppose this is my first step in being open. I'm admitting my life isn't perfect, even though I always appear to be (HA). I apologize for the deep thoughts as of recent. More embarrassing stories will resurface soon.
You may not have noticed because you honestly couldn't care less.**
Luckily for you, I don't care whether you noticed or not; I'm going to tell you why I changed it anyway.
I wish I could take the credit for the idea of changing my profile information, but I can't. A family friend messaged me pointing out some obvious contradictions between the info on the left and some of my blog entries. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed. How could it be so blatantly obvious that I wasn't correctly portraying myself in the box to the left as compared with how honest I was being in my posts? (Again, who really cares anyway? But just stick with me here.)
It got me thinking.
Am I being honest at all? Am I trying to portray myself in contradicting fashions to different audiences? Am I living by the well-known mantra "Do as I say, not as I do"? Unfortunately, I felt the answers were yes.
It got me acting.
I've decided to try this thing called "not-judging-people." I know, pretty novel idea right? Lately, I've been feeling like there's so much drama surrounding me that I shouldn't even be involved in at all. I hate drama. I don't cause drama. I refuse to partake in it. Yet, it still seems to slowly creep in and consume my thoughts and cause immense amounts of anxiety. Therefore, I've made a decision to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and to ignore them when they come to me with new gossip and scandal. I need to quit critiquing others' decisions because, guess what, it's their decision. And (this is quite shocking as well) they live with those decisions, not me. I'm going to focus on myself and only the positivity in my life. I'm not going to judge others because (this is kind of selfish) I don't want them to judge me or my decisions. We need to highlight people's positive attributes, not dig for their dastardly imperfections and mistakes.
I'm editing myself.
Similarly, I'm going to try to be honest. No, I'm not going to empty my life story onto some complete stranger like the bank teller did to me the other day. I am, however, going to think, act, and speak as me. Not someone I want to be. Not someone I used to be. Not someone I'm going to be. But I need to focus more on being me.
Figuring out just exactly who is "me" is confusing and exhausting enough....so how can I possibly have the time, energy, and imagination to be someone I'm not?
**NOTE: the above entry is a bunch of random thoughts that have been floating around my head as a result of recent events that occurred this past weekend. It's a jumbled mess and I feel really weird that it's out there for everyone and their mom to read, but I suppose this is my first step in being open. I'm admitting my life isn't perfect, even though I always appear to be (HA). I apologize for the deep thoughts as of recent. More embarrassing stories will resurface soon.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Step One:
Admit you have a problem.
I have a problem.
Well.....it's not so much a problem for me as it is for my bank account. You see, it's actually not causing one bit of chaos in my closet, but it's doing massive damage to my monetary funds and strict budget. It always happens around this time of year. This is the time of year that I become a very special person to myself. (I know that sounds very conceited and selfish, but if you know me well enough, I'm not either of those two things. At least, I hope not.) Either way, the problem begins around the 2nd of November and ends around December 26th.
The gifts just keep coming.
And coming and coming and coming. And coming.
From myself to myself.
My birthday is November 3rd and (obviously) Christmas is December 25th. Therefore, I end up using these two very important holidays as perfect excuses to buy myself presents. I am celebrating mine and Jesus' births, after all. And I'm a pretty good person, so we'll just throw that in there as well.
It all begins (well, I'll be honest) as soon as fall starts. So I guess we're actually talking late September. Whatever. I use the change in season (and change in wardrobe) to buy myself something special. After all, I have absolutely nothing appropriate for fall in my closet. What have I been wearing for the last 20 years?! Therefore, a trip to the mall is absolutely necessary. Later, as I look around my favorite store Nordstrom's, I think, "Well, my birthday IS coming up (still over a month away, mind you) and this IS kind of a big birthday so this will be my birthday present to myself. Alright, that sounds good enough."
I've been using this "big birthday" thing for the past 4 years. And it will probably work for the next few years as well:
18: I'm finally legal to.....not really do anything important besides vote. Oh well, I'm graduating in May so..... yeah, it's still September but this is an early graduation present to myself as well.
19: Last year of being a teenager!!! Let's hold fast to this last year and celebrate at the mall.
20: Finally hit my 20s and no longer a teenager (thank GOD). Let's go buy myself something cute to wear out tonight.
21: Now I can drink and be an adult! Let's go buy something for me to wear to celebrate drinking my first alcoholic beverage!
22: Aaaaaaand now I'm OLD. Let's go buy myself something to cheer myself up.
23: Now I'm just really old and no one cares about my birthday anymore. Let's do some retail therapy. And I can buy myself two things this time: one for each year over the age of 21...sigh...
This could easily continue in a plausible fashion, but you get the picture.
I'm not quite sure when the presents stop being birthday presents and start being Christmas presents, but I'm sure it's sometime after Thanksgiving. Actually, it's probably the weekend after because that's when a lot of sales are going on. So, I kill two birds with one stone and take advantage of all the sales while celebrating the beginning of the Christmas season. "This will look GREAT at the next holiday party. Now I just need shoes, jewelry, and a top to match." Merry Christmas to me.
After Christmas, well actually New Years I suppose, ("I need something black and sparkly to celebrate the New Year in!!") I get my credit card statement and immediately go into cardiac arrest. "I spent HOW MUCH on clothing and shopping for the past two months?! There's no way. There must be some mistake....Oh wait, yeah I remember that one....Ok, yeah, that was a birthday present.....Oh, I wasn't feeling well that day.....Well, those shoes were on sale and they were the last pair so I had to get them....The skirt went with the shoes.....That necklace went with the skirt......Those other shoes went with the necklace.....I could get the shirt for free if I only spent a little bit more....It was the beginning of the Christmas season.....I had a gift card that covered 1/4 of the cost so it was basically 25% off...." and so on.
I then resolve to not buy anything else unless it's absolutely necessary. (NOTE: I subconsciously leave the definition of "necessary" pretty vague to give myself some sort of cop-out). I then work my tail off babysitting everyone and their dog to save up for summer. And by "summer", I suppose I actually mean spring because, let's be honest, I have absolutely nothing appropriate to wear for spring. What have I been wearing for the past 20 years?!
I have a problem.
Well.....it's not so much a problem for me as it is for my bank account. You see, it's actually not causing one bit of chaos in my closet, but it's doing massive damage to my monetary funds and strict budget. It always happens around this time of year. This is the time of year that I become a very special person to myself. (I know that sounds very conceited and selfish, but if you know me well enough, I'm not either of those two things. At least, I hope not.) Either way, the problem begins around the 2nd of November and ends around December 26th.
The gifts just keep coming.
And coming and coming and coming. And coming.
From myself to myself.
My birthday is November 3rd and (obviously) Christmas is December 25th. Therefore, I end up using these two very important holidays as perfect excuses to buy myself presents. I am celebrating mine and Jesus' births, after all. And I'm a pretty good person, so we'll just throw that in there as well.
It all begins (well, I'll be honest) as soon as fall starts. So I guess we're actually talking late September. Whatever. I use the change in season (and change in wardrobe) to buy myself something special. After all, I have absolutely nothing appropriate for fall in my closet. What have I been wearing for the last 20 years?! Therefore, a trip to the mall is absolutely necessary. Later, as I look around my favorite store Nordstrom's, I think, "Well, my birthday IS coming up (still over a month away, mind you) and this IS kind of a big birthday so this will be my birthday present to myself. Alright, that sounds good enough."
I've been using this "big birthday" thing for the past 4 years. And it will probably work for the next few years as well:
18: I'm finally legal to.....not really do anything important besides vote. Oh well, I'm graduating in May so..... yeah, it's still September but this is an early graduation present to myself as well.
19: Last year of being a teenager!!! Let's hold fast to this last year and celebrate at the mall.
20: Finally hit my 20s and no longer a teenager (thank GOD). Let's go buy myself something cute to wear out tonight.
21: Now I can drink and be an adult! Let's go buy something for me to wear to celebrate drinking my first alcoholic beverage!
22: Aaaaaaand now I'm OLD. Let's go buy myself something to cheer myself up.
23: Now I'm just really old and no one cares about my birthday anymore. Let's do some retail therapy. And I can buy myself two things this time: one for each year over the age of 21...sigh...
This could easily continue in a plausible fashion, but you get the picture.
I'm not quite sure when the presents stop being birthday presents and start being Christmas presents, but I'm sure it's sometime after Thanksgiving. Actually, it's probably the weekend after because that's when a lot of sales are going on. So, I kill two birds with one stone and take advantage of all the sales while celebrating the beginning of the Christmas season. "This will look GREAT at the next holiday party. Now I just need shoes, jewelry, and a top to match." Merry Christmas to me.
After Christmas, well actually New Years I suppose, ("I need something black and sparkly to celebrate the New Year in!!") I get my credit card statement and immediately go into cardiac arrest. "I spent HOW MUCH on clothing and shopping for the past two months?! There's no way. There must be some mistake....Oh wait, yeah I remember that one....Ok, yeah, that was a birthday present.....Oh, I wasn't feeling well that day.....Well, those shoes were on sale and they were the last pair so I had to get them....The skirt went with the shoes.....That necklace went with the skirt......Those other shoes went with the necklace.....I could get the shirt for free if I only spent a little bit more....It was the beginning of the Christmas season.....I had a gift card that covered 1/4 of the cost so it was basically 25% off...." and so on.
I then resolve to not buy anything else unless it's absolutely necessary. (NOTE: I subconsciously leave the definition of "necessary" pretty vague to give myself some sort of cop-out). I then work my tail off babysitting everyone and their dog to save up for summer. And by "summer", I suppose I actually mean spring because, let's be honest, I have absolutely nothing appropriate to wear for spring. What have I been wearing for the past 20 years?!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Peace.
My goal for the rest of this semester is to be more peaceful.
And so far, it's working.
I'm happier, calmer, and generally more at peace with how things are going. Nothing in my life has changed, but my outlook on it has. And it's making all the difference.
I had a realization last Saturday. I was sitting at my desk writing about things when I realized that I was doing the equivalent of hitting my head against a wall. Over and over again. And it really hurt. Yet, I couldn't stop doing it. I was convinced that maybe the wall would give in to the force of my head. Surprise, surprise: it didn't. And it never will.
I'm all about control. I need to have control over every little thing in my life. Did you know that it's impossible to control everything that happens to you?! I know--crazy! Who knew?
I used to be so obsessed with school. If I didn't get an A, my life was over. OVER. I had failed. Disappointed myself and everyone I knew. (((See how ridiculous I was?))) After earning my first C on a midterm (followed immediately by my second C), I realized that sometimes you just don't always get what you strive for. Does that mean you're a bad person? No. Does that mean you didn't try your hardest? No. It just means you weren't as prepared as you thought you were. It means that you had other things to do that week that were higher on your priority list. And rightfully so.
School is important, yes, but so is your happiness. And enjoying life. If you spend your entire college career with your head stuck in a book trying to get a 4.0, then you aren't taking advantage of college. It's a time for growing. Changing. Loving yourself and experiencing life. Grades are important, yes, but your future employer also wants a wholesome, confident, and happy person working for them.
Therefore, when I saw my two C's this week, I sat back and accepted them fully into my life. Imperfection. Perfectly natural. (I haven't completely gone granola-girl on you---I immediately took inventory of my other grades to see that my GPA wouldn't suffer too bad.) And it won't. Yes, it's going to take a little hit this semester, but that's the price I'm going to pay for this amount of growth and understanding. And acceptance.
So I've removed my hands from the wall, pulled my head away, and taken a step back. What do you know? The wall is still there. I hadn't made a dent. All I had accomplished was a raging headache and disappointment. So I'm going a different route. I'm walking down the hall and going through that open door. Because, sometimes, you just can't force things. You can't always blaze your own path. Sometimes you have to take the options given to you and make the best decision you can. Does that mean you're being apathetic and letting life lead you? No. It means that you need to relax. Calm down. And accept what life has to offer. Because most of the time (if not all the time) its offer is even better than what you could have planned for yourself.
And now, one of my favorite artists. I am lucky enough to get to see him perform tonight.
Joshua Radin--Streetlight. Official website: http://us.joshuaradin.com/
And so far, it's working.
I'm happier, calmer, and generally more at peace with how things are going. Nothing in my life has changed, but my outlook on it has. And it's making all the difference.
I had a realization last Saturday. I was sitting at my desk writing about things when I realized that I was doing the equivalent of hitting my head against a wall. Over and over again. And it really hurt. Yet, I couldn't stop doing it. I was convinced that maybe the wall would give in to the force of my head. Surprise, surprise: it didn't. And it never will.
I'm all about control. I need to have control over every little thing in my life. Did you know that it's impossible to control everything that happens to you?! I know--crazy! Who knew?
I used to be so obsessed with school. If I didn't get an A, my life was over. OVER. I had failed. Disappointed myself and everyone I knew. (((See how ridiculous I was?))) After earning my first C on a midterm (followed immediately by my second C), I realized that sometimes you just don't always get what you strive for. Does that mean you're a bad person? No. Does that mean you didn't try your hardest? No. It just means you weren't as prepared as you thought you were. It means that you had other things to do that week that were higher on your priority list. And rightfully so.
School is important, yes, but so is your happiness. And enjoying life. If you spend your entire college career with your head stuck in a book trying to get a 4.0, then you aren't taking advantage of college. It's a time for growing. Changing. Loving yourself and experiencing life. Grades are important, yes, but your future employer also wants a wholesome, confident, and happy person working for them.
Therefore, when I saw my two C's this week, I sat back and accepted them fully into my life. Imperfection. Perfectly natural. (I haven't completely gone granola-girl on you---I immediately took inventory of my other grades to see that my GPA wouldn't suffer too bad.) And it won't. Yes, it's going to take a little hit this semester, but that's the price I'm going to pay for this amount of growth and understanding. And acceptance.
So I've removed my hands from the wall, pulled my head away, and taken a step back. What do you know? The wall is still there. I hadn't made a dent. All I had accomplished was a raging headache and disappointment. So I'm going a different route. I'm walking down the hall and going through that open door. Because, sometimes, you just can't force things. You can't always blaze your own path. Sometimes you have to take the options given to you and make the best decision you can. Does that mean you're being apathetic and letting life lead you? No. It means that you need to relax. Calm down. And accept what life has to offer. Because most of the time (if not all the time) its offer is even better than what you could have planned for yourself.
And now, one of my favorite artists. I am lucky enough to get to see him perform tonight.
Joshua Radin--Streetlight. Official website: http://us.joshuaradin.com/
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