What a Finale!!

And by "finale", I suppose I mean "finals". And by "finals", I suppose I mean the one I missed this morning.

Yep, you guessed it: didn't quite make it to my 8 AM Marketing Final. Not by choice, however. My body decided to have a complete and utter breakdown from 9:30 PM last night to 4:00 AM this morning on account of one tiny, itsy-bitsy, little, "harmless" slice of cheese pizza. This is the piece of pizza that I almost didn't eat after reading that one tiny, itsy-bitsy, little, "harmless" slice of cheese pizza costs you over 700 calories. But I was hungry, my salad wasn't satisfying my loudly growling stomach, and the 5 kids I was babysitting were helping me burn more than those 700 calories soooooooooo.....I ate it. MISTAKE.

Fast forward one hour later and I am glued to their couch. I feel really bad because I usually am a lot more fun when I babysit and I like to do stuff with the kids. But I couldn't...do...anything. I have a really sensitive stomach so I figure it's just my stomach being sensitive to the fact that I don't usually eat that many carbs or greasy cheese in one sitting. "It'll pass," I think. WRONG.

Then, one of the boys laying on the couch goes, "Are you guys sick?"

"yES!" I say in a crescendo like I have just made a huge discovery and found humanity's missing link. The other two boys go, "Yeah, I'm really sick too. I feel terrible." I ask, "Do you guys feel weak? Do you feel like you're going to throw up?" "Yes," they respond. "Did you eat the pizza?" "Yes," they respond. "Oh no. Oh no no no." I say as I shake my head. "What's wrong, Haley?" they ask. "I think we all have food poisoning". "WHAAAT?" They're concerned. I try to calm their fears but inside I am freaking out.

I have had food poisoning once before. It was the day after my 16th birthday and I was in Universal Studios in Florida with my family. The entire Hard Rock Cafe had just sang me "Happy Birthday" as I stood on a stage and then I had the most amazing milkshake ever. It was one of the best days of my life.

So we were walking around after that and I start feeling sick. So I get sick. EVERYWHERE. I pretty much covered Universal Studios with my milkshake and whatever else was in my tummy. I couldn't control myself...or find a trashcan anywhere---their fault, not mine. A policeman sees us and immediately gets me some water. But I can't keep it down. I start feeling so incredibly weak that I can't walk anymore. Therefore, I sit down and lean against a huge concrete pillar barely able to keep my eyes open with a red SOLO cup of water in my hand while my family tries to find help. Yes, I look like I'm WASTED. People were walking by me, pointing and mumbling, "It looks like someone's had too much to drink..." I wanted to yell, "I'M SIXTEEN! I DON'T DRINK!" but I didn't have enough energy.

My dad comes back with a wheelchair. I look at him like, "Don't you think this is a bit excessive?" but inside I am jumping for joy. What a genius. I am so thankful.

I spend the rest of the evening in our hotel bathroom trying trying trying to feel better for our 6 AM flight home the next day. I'm not.

So my family gets up the next day and is trying to help me get ready to leave. I can't do anything. Then my brother who is 18 months younger than me starts getting sick. My parents look at each other like, "WHY US?!" and try to help their sick 16 and 14 year old get ready for a 3 hour flight. They also have an 8 year old they have to deal with who doesn't really know what's going on.

We're late to turn our rental car in. I throw up in the parking garage. Then Spencer (my brother) does too.

We're late to the security line. Of course it's excessively long. All of a sudden out of nowhere and without any warning, Spencer leans over and throws up ALL OVER my brand new hot pink suitcase. Not having time to be even a little mad, I see the throw-up and start feeling sick. I run across the airport to the closest trashcan and barely make it. My parents are dumbfounded. People in line are pissed at us. Hayden (my other brother) is about to cry.

We're late to the gate. There aren't any seats together so we all have to split up. My dad politely tells the airline stewardess that his son is very sick and needs to sit with one of his parents. I'm feeling better and can manage to sit by myself, but Spencer is getting sick every 20 minutes. She is very rude and says, "You were late; there's nothing I can do. He'll have to manage." My dad looks very solemn and in his head is thinking, "Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you."

We're all situated and about to take off when the stranger sitting next to Spencer starts freaking out because, yep, he's getting sick. The airline stewardess runs to my dad and says, "Would you mind switching seats with this gentleman? I think your son needs you." He looks up at her and thinks, "REALLY?!" haha ohh goodness.

A middle-aged lady is sitting between Hayden and I. I get a little sick during the flight and Hayden is plastered against the window. He's freaking out. He doesn't know this lady, his big sister is really sick, and he doesn't know where his family is. Poor guy.

My mom is stuck in the back of the plane for 3 hours worried sick about her children who she can't take care of next to another lady who is talking about her cats and her knitting hobby.

I laugh every time I tell that story to someone. A lot happened and it's crazy that we even made our flight and stayed alive. Last night was different. All I have to show is 5 grocery bags outside my front door that I'm sure my neighbors are pissed about and a lack of sleep. Ohh, and I look like poo, my room is an utter and complete mess, and I have to take an Incomplete in one of my business school classes until I can sort it out in the spring.

AND I have a 6 AM flight tomorrow. I feel like this is a pattern. I hope I don't get sick.

Step One:

Admit you have a problem.


I have a problem.

Well.....it's not so much a problem for me as it is for my bank account. You see, it's actually not causing one bit of chaos in my closet, but it's doing massive damage to my monetary funds and strict budget. It always happens around this time of year. This is the time of year that I become a very special person to myself. (I know that sounds very conceited and selfish, but if you know me well enough, I'm not either of those two things. At least, I hope not.) Either way, the problem begins around the 2nd of November and ends around December 26th.

The gifts just keep coming.
And coming and coming and coming. And coming.
From myself to myself.

My birthday is November 3rd and (obviously) Christmas is December 25th. Therefore, I end up using these two very important holidays as perfect excuses to buy myself presents. I am celebrating mine and Jesus' births, after all. And I'm a pretty good person, so we'll just throw that in there as well.

It all begins (well, I'll be honest) as soon as fall starts. So I guess we're actually talking late September. Whatever. I use the change in season (and change in wardrobe) to buy myself something special. After all, I have absolutely nothing appropriate for fall in my closet. What have I been wearing for the last 20 years?! Therefore, a trip to the mall is absolutely necessary. Later, as I look around my favorite store Nordstrom's, I think, "Well, my birthday IS coming up (still over a month away, mind you) and this IS kind of a big birthday so this will be my birthday present to myself. Alright, that sounds good enough."

I've been using this "big birthday" thing for the past 4 years. And it will probably work for the next few years as well:
18: I'm finally legal to.....not really do anything important besides vote. Oh well, I'm graduating in May so..... yeah, it's still September but this is an early graduation present to myself as well.
19: Last year of being a teenager!!! Let's hold fast to this last year and celebrate at the mall.
20: Finally hit my 20s and no longer a teenager (thank GOD). Let's go buy myself something cute to wear out tonight.
21: Now I can drink and be an adult! Let's go buy something for me to wear to celebrate drinking my first alcoholic beverage!
22: Aaaaaaand now I'm OLD. Let's go buy myself something to cheer myself up.
23: Now I'm just really old and no one cares about my birthday anymore. Let's do some retail therapy. And I can buy myself two things this time: one for each year over the age of 21...sigh...
This could easily continue in a plausible fashion, but you get the picture.

I'm not quite sure when the presents stop being birthday presents and start being Christmas presents, but I'm sure it's sometime after Thanksgiving. Actually, it's probably the weekend after because that's when a lot of sales are going on. So, I kill two birds with one stone and take advantage of all the sales while celebrating the beginning of the Christmas season. "This will look GREAT at the next holiday party. Now I just need shoes, jewelry, and a top to match." Merry Christmas to me.

After Christmas, well actually New Years I suppose, ("I need something black and sparkly to celebrate the New Year in!!") I get my credit card statement and immediately go into cardiac arrest. "I spent HOW MUCH on clothing and shopping for the past two months?! There's no way. There must be some mistake....Oh wait, yeah I remember that one....Ok, yeah, that was a birthday present.....Oh, I wasn't feeling well that day.....Well, those shoes were on sale and they were the last pair so I had to get them....The skirt went with the shoes.....That necklace went with the skirt......Those other shoes went with the necklace.....I could get the shirt for free if I only spent a little bit more....It was the beginning of the Christmas season.....I had a gift card that covered 1/4 of the cost so it was basically 25% off...." and so on.

I then resolve to not buy anything else unless it's absolutely necessary. (NOTE: I subconsciously leave the definition of "necessary" pretty vague to give myself some sort of cop-out). I then work my tail off babysitting everyone and their dog to save up for summer. And by "summer", I suppose I actually mean spring because, let's be honest, I have absolutely nothing appropriate to wear for spring. What have I been wearing for the past 20 years?!

Note to Self: Start Thinking More

SO I took my kids to the pool the other day (the six kids + my brother I watch every Tuesday and Thursday) and I was reviewing my Oxford info booklet because I LEAVE IN TWO WEEKS!!!! :) :) :) And when I say review, I mean I finally read the booklet we were supposed to read first thing back when we got it in April. Hey, I'm pretty proud of myself for reading it at all. Anywho I was almost to the end when I read, "Required reading assignment with complimentary essay due upon arrival." I cringe a little. Ok...at least I have two weeks to read this book and crank out an essay. Totally do-able. Then I read that I have FIVE books to read plus an essay. FIVE BOOKS in, yeah in case you don't remember, TWO WEEKS. Ughhh..oh well. It's my own fault. Whatever.

So I'm still reading it when I get up to help the kids with something. Then, all of a sudden, my papers go flying! They could have flown into the chair, against the fence, into the yard next to the pool.......but no. As if by instinct, they make a bee-line for the pool. It was like they were saying, "Ahhh yes! Haley hasn't had a screw-up moment for at least a few hours, so here is our opportunity. Seize it and go for the pool. Hopefully we'll be unreadable by the time we make it in there." I scream and dive into the pool to get my precious Oxford materials. These are the plans for my whooooole stay there and include some very important documents. Like umm say my flight information including my confirmation number that I absolutely cannot lose. Oh and yeah the piece of paper from my program director that says I am a student at Oxford; I can't get in OR out of the country without it. These and about 5 other equally important and informative papers decided to go for a little dip in the pool. I might as well have taped my passport to my back and used it as a fin as I swam! WHAT was I THINKING taking this stuff to the pool?!?! I wish I knew. So I get them out and everything is in tact. Luckily. "So, ok, I lay them out to dry," I think.

I lay out a few white papers along with a blue one and a purple one on the white plastic pool chair next to me. (These specific details are important, I promise.) When I go back a few minutes later to check on them (they are a little dry and are threatening to go back into the pool again) I notice the purple and blue papers have successfully dyed the white plastic chair.

This is when I throw my hands up in the air and start banging my head against the fence. I look around to see if anyone has noticed as I reluctantly put my papers away and angle the chair away from anyone at the pool.

I finally retire to laying down and not doing anything. I can't possibly screw up anything if I'm not doing anything right??

And I haven't started reading yet. Maybe tomorrow.....afternoon.
Or the next day.

I think I need to get this and tape it all over my room, car, locker room, and body. Haha but seriously, I'm glad things like this happen to me: I rarely ever get embarrassed or mad and always get to laugh at myself. It makes life a lot more fun.

Haley and Chantie + Seven

Alright so I got a job! Yes, I know what you're thinking: college, 20 hours a week spent practicing, a social life, AND a job?! So, yes, I am superwoman. Until my next breakdown atleast :)


My job involves watching seven 18 month olds for a few hours every other Tuesday morning with my friend Chantie. So, yes, I'm crazy. Today was the first day and we had five lovely little ones with us in the room and just when the words "I can't believe no one has cried yet" were coming out of my mouth, a mom brought in two twin boys who were hysterical and stayed that way for the next hour. I really need to learn to keep my mouth shut. So we were playing and everything was going nice when the schedule said to take them outside. Oohhh man. It took us half an hour to get everyone DOWN THE HALL. I was carrying two kids and trying to corral two others as they ran in and out of every other door EXCEPT the one they were actually supposed to go out of. Go figure.


Lunch time. Uggghh. More food ended up on the floor and all over them than actually made it into their mouths. Was I this bad when I was 18 months? Doubt it. Plus they took apart the piano. Ok, I've got to admit I was pretty impressed at this point. I have no idea how to take apart a piano and I don't even have the creativity it takes to come up with this idea. And then they put it back together! Ha, just kidding. You believed me though. I don't know how Kate does it. After 3 hours I was done and ready for lunch. No way could I ever live like that. My wardrobe, however, was instantly upgraded by Cheerios, slober, dirt, and blueberry mush. Then I had class and I looked like a hot mess. Can't wait for the Tuesday after next!


As promised, here are pictures and the video from SUP-ping. (Pronounced like what'SUP) Sorry, that's the best I can do. And they weren't up yesterday because Bag Lady had already gone to bed and it was like 11 by the time my post was done. Anyway, you're welcome for the ab workout that follows (from laughing, if you're too dense for my humor)!


Beautiful Hair Girl and Bag Lady just starting out. You have to go on your knees for a little while to get used to it.
Outdoors woman after she fell in. Note: This is NOT the correct way to SUP.

ME!!! I look like a grandma but hey I didn't go in! I got waked so many times by the boats but managed to stay afloat. It was the orange sunglasses I'm told. You can't see them in this picture but they're the color of that orange thing at the bottom (plus some more brightness).

And now for the grand finale: