Step One:

Admit you have a problem.


I have a problem.

Well.....it's not so much a problem for me as it is for my bank account. You see, it's actually not causing one bit of chaos in my closet, but it's doing massive damage to my monetary funds and strict budget. It always happens around this time of year. This is the time of year that I become a very special person to myself. (I know that sounds very conceited and selfish, but if you know me well enough, I'm not either of those two things. At least, I hope not.) Either way, the problem begins around the 2nd of November and ends around December 26th.

The gifts just keep coming.
And coming and coming and coming. And coming.
From myself to myself.

My birthday is November 3rd and (obviously) Christmas is December 25th. Therefore, I end up using these two very important holidays as perfect excuses to buy myself presents. I am celebrating mine and Jesus' births, after all. And I'm a pretty good person, so we'll just throw that in there as well.

It all begins (well, I'll be honest) as soon as fall starts. So I guess we're actually talking late September. Whatever. I use the change in season (and change in wardrobe) to buy myself something special. After all, I have absolutely nothing appropriate for fall in my closet. What have I been wearing for the last 20 years?! Therefore, a trip to the mall is absolutely necessary. Later, as I look around my favorite store Nordstrom's, I think, "Well, my birthday IS coming up (still over a month away, mind you) and this IS kind of a big birthday so this will be my birthday present to myself. Alright, that sounds good enough."

I've been using this "big birthday" thing for the past 4 years. And it will probably work for the next few years as well:
18: I'm finally legal to.....not really do anything important besides vote. Oh well, I'm graduating in May so..... yeah, it's still September but this is an early graduation present to myself as well.
19: Last year of being a teenager!!! Let's hold fast to this last year and celebrate at the mall.
20: Finally hit my 20s and no longer a teenager (thank GOD). Let's go buy myself something cute to wear out tonight.
21: Now I can drink and be an adult! Let's go buy something for me to wear to celebrate drinking my first alcoholic beverage!
22: Aaaaaaand now I'm OLD. Let's go buy myself something to cheer myself up.
23: Now I'm just really old and no one cares about my birthday anymore. Let's do some retail therapy. And I can buy myself two things this time: one for each year over the age of 21...sigh...
This could easily continue in a plausible fashion, but you get the picture.

I'm not quite sure when the presents stop being birthday presents and start being Christmas presents, but I'm sure it's sometime after Thanksgiving. Actually, it's probably the weekend after because that's when a lot of sales are going on. So, I kill two birds with one stone and take advantage of all the sales while celebrating the beginning of the Christmas season. "This will look GREAT at the next holiday party. Now I just need shoes, jewelry, and a top to match." Merry Christmas to me.

After Christmas, well actually New Years I suppose, ("I need something black and sparkly to celebrate the New Year in!!") I get my credit card statement and immediately go into cardiac arrest. "I spent HOW MUCH on clothing and shopping for the past two months?! There's no way. There must be some mistake....Oh wait, yeah I remember that one....Ok, yeah, that was a birthday present.....Oh, I wasn't feeling well that day.....Well, those shoes were on sale and they were the last pair so I had to get them....The skirt went with the shoes.....That necklace went with the skirt......Those other shoes went with the necklace.....I could get the shirt for free if I only spent a little bit more....It was the beginning of the Christmas season.....I had a gift card that covered 1/4 of the cost so it was basically 25% off...." and so on.

I then resolve to not buy anything else unless it's absolutely necessary. (NOTE: I subconsciously leave the definition of "necessary" pretty vague to give myself some sort of cop-out). I then work my tail off babysitting everyone and their dog to save up for summer. And by "summer", I suppose I actually mean spring because, let's be honest, I have absolutely nothing appropriate to wear for spring. What have I been wearing for the past 20 years?!