Peace.

My goal for the rest of this semester is to be more peaceful.

And so far, it's working.

I'm happier, calmer, and generally more at peace with how things are going. Nothing in my life has changed, but my outlook on it has. And it's making all the difference.

I had a realization last Saturday. I was sitting at my desk writing about things when I realized that I was doing the equivalent of hitting my head against a wall. Over and over again. And it really hurt. Yet, I couldn't stop doing it. I was convinced that maybe the wall would give in to the force of my head. Surprise, surprise: it didn't. And it never will.

I'm all about control. I need to have control over every little thing in my life. Did you know that it's impossible to control everything that happens to you?! I know--crazy! Who knew?

I used to be so obsessed with school. If I didn't get an A, my life was over. OVER. I had failed. Disappointed myself and everyone I knew. (((See how ridiculous I was?))) After earning my first C on a midterm (followed immediately by my second C), I realized that sometimes you just don't always get what you strive for. Does that mean you're a bad person? No. Does that mean you didn't try your hardest? No. It just means you weren't as prepared as you thought you were. It means that you had other things to do that week that were higher on your priority list. And rightfully so.

School is important, yes, but so is your happiness. And enjoying life. If you spend your entire college career with your head stuck in a book trying to get a 4.0, then you aren't taking advantage of college. It's a time for growing. Changing. Loving yourself and experiencing life. Grades are important, yes, but your future employer also wants a wholesome, confident, and happy person working for them.

Therefore, when I saw my two C's this week, I sat back and accepted them fully into my life. Imperfection. Perfectly natural. (I haven't completely gone granola-girl on you---I immediately took inventory of my other grades to see that my GPA wouldn't suffer too bad.) And it won't. Yes, it's going to take a little hit this semester, but that's the price I'm going to pay for this amount of growth and understanding. And acceptance.

So I've removed my hands from the wall, pulled my head away, and taken a step back. What do you know? The wall is still there. I hadn't made a dent. All I had accomplished was a raging headache and disappointment. So I'm going a different route. I'm walking down the hall and going through that open door. Because, sometimes, you just can't force things. You can't always blaze your own path. Sometimes you have to take the options given to you and make the best decision you can. Does that mean you're being apathetic and letting life lead you? No. It means that you need to relax. Calm down. And accept what life has to offer. Because most of the time (if not all the time) its offer is even better than what you could have planned for yourself.

And now, one of my favorite artists. I am lucky enough to get to see him perform tonight.
Joshua Radin--Streetlight. Official website: http://us.joshuaradin.com/