Edit

You may have noticed that I edited my personal information to the left.

You may not have noticed because you honestly couldn't care less.**


Luckily for you, I don't care whether you noticed or not; I'm going to tell you why I changed it anyway.

I wish I could take the credit for the idea of changing my profile information, but I can't. A family friend messaged me pointing out some obvious contradictions between the info on the left and some of my blog entries. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed. How could it be so blatantly obvious that I wasn't correctly portraying myself in the box to the left as compared with how honest I was being in my posts? (Again, who really cares anyway? But just stick with me here.)

It got me thinking.

Am I being honest at all? Am I trying to portray myself in contradicting fashions to different audiences? Am I living by the well-known mantra "Do as I say, not as I do"? Unfortunately, I felt the answers were yes.

It got me acting.

I've decided to try this thing called "not-judging-people." I know, pretty novel idea right? Lately, I've been feeling like there's so much drama surrounding me that I shouldn't even be involved in at all. I hate drama. I don't cause drama. I refuse to partake in it. Yet, it still seems to slowly creep in and consume my thoughts and cause immense amounts of anxiety. Therefore, I've made a decision to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and to ignore them when they come to me with new gossip and scandal. I need to quit critiquing others' decisions because, guess what, it's their decision. And (this is quite shocking as well) they live with those decisions, not me. I'm going to focus on myself and only the positivity in my life. I'm not going to judge others because (this is kind of selfish) I don't want them to judge me or my decisions. We need to highlight people's positive attributes, not dig for their dastardly imperfections and mistakes.

I'm editing myself.

Similarly, I'm going to try to be honest. No, I'm not going to empty my life story onto some complete stranger like the bank teller did to me the other day. I am, however, going to think, act, and speak as me. Not someone I want to be. Not someone I used to be. Not someone I'm going to be. But I need to focus more on being me.

Figuring out just exactly who is "me" is confusing and exhausting enough....so how can I possibly have the time, energy, and imagination to be someone I'm not?







**NOTE: the above entry is a bunch of random thoughts that have been floating around my head as a result of recent events that occurred this past weekend. It's a jumbled mess and I feel really weird that it's out there for everyone and their mom to read, but I suppose this is my first step in being open. I'm admitting my life isn't perfect, even though I always appear to be (HA). I apologize for the deep thoughts as of recent. More embarrassing stories will resurface soon.