I'm throwing you a noodle. Yeah, you were kind of drowning over there. It's my fault--I made you stay in the deep end for a little too long and you got tired.
So come back to the shallow end with me.
It's been a long week and I decided that this Saturday was going to be a lot of fun. And when I decide something, it happens. Usually.
So it all started when my apartment completely went to shit and our refrigerator broke. For the third time this year. The first time sucks and you forgive your landlord while you live out of coolers for the 2 weeks it takes to get it fixed. The second time, you're a little peeved but, eh, sometimes these things happen again. But the THIRD time it happens....AFTER you were promised a new refrigerator on the condition that you signed the lease for another year (which you did), you're downright pissed. And you call him with demands on how a ceiling in your bathroom is completely necessary so you don't die, you want that towel rack fixed already, and you don't want to throw away 200 dollars worth of food. You just keep going and going and talking and talking and...whew! You got it all out. And you're proud of finally standing up for yourself.
Until he shows up at your apartment, starts waving his hands in your face and cussing you out. So inappropriate. So you can't take anymore and retire to your room. And he follows you. Completely inappropriate. Your friend doesn't let him in and he storms off and slams the front door in your roommate's faces. Completely inappropriate.
Then he texts you an hour later saying that he has a refrigerator ordered and it will be delivered Monday, the shower people are on their way to demo AND tile the bathroom all in one day, and your ceiling will be installed immediately. Guess I did something right...
Anyway, I crack open a bottle of wine (because I deserve it) and begin healing the wounds left by my inept landlord. We go to the SMU boulevard, sweat like there's no tomorrow, then go to the game. Stay until half-time when it starts to rain.
My roommate and I are trying to decide what to do and are sick of waiting on people to make a decision, so we decide to walk down the street for a margarita. We plan on going to Uptown later, checking out some hotties, and talking about anything and everything. But now we'll settle for a marg.
After awhile, we begin talking about why we're both single...and it gets pretty depressing until we decide that we're just too ambitious and driven for boys our own age. Thus, we give ourselves more of a reason to go to Uptown later and meet some mature 30-somethings. Just kidding, dad.
But for real, we talk and talk and talk. And decide that we're actually lamer than we thought. And our beds are sounding waaaay more appetizing than the men in Dallas. So we begin our walk home.
My day has been kind of ordinary....kind of...so I think my subconscious kicks in and decides that we need to do something interesting.
So I'm hungry. And we're walking home. And there's a Jack-in-the-Box 10 feet in front of us. I've never been to a Jack-in-the Box before--and I'm hungry--so I take an immediate left and begin walking through the drive-thru. My roommate is astounded. And kind of scared. It's cute. "Is this legal?" "Mmmm...I don't know. But I'm hungry, so we'll find out." She's practically peeing her pants when a police car drives into the drive-thru and she almost jumps into the bushes as she cries, "We're going to get in trouble! We're going to get arrested!" I wave to the cops and have to coax her from the bushes as I try to order a burger. She's nervous. And for some reason, the people working at Jack-in-the-Box don't know I'm in the drive-thru. The censor that usually picks up a 4,000 pound car isn't picking up my little ____ pound body. Weird. (And you thought I was going to tell you my weight! HA!) I begin knocking on the drive-thru order confirmation screen trying to get their attention and order my burger (which, for some reason, didn't work either...) while my roommate is slowly creeping back into the bushes. The cops are about 20 feet away from us and I momentarily contemplate asking if I can hop in their car just to order (I'll pay my own way, I swear) but decide that I can't take care of my roommate if she has a heart attack and eat a burger at the same time, so I finally let her lead the way back out of the drive-thru.
Because we're living out of coolers, we have to stock up on ice. Therefore, carrying home a huge bag in the wee hours of the morning borders on normal for me, so I decide to buy one. And I'm still hungry. I begin eyeing the taquitos at the 7-11. I have never, ever, contemplating buying (much less EATING) one of those things, but nothing else is open and we don't have any food at home. Therefore I buy two. And a huge bag of ice. For us to carry home in the heat. I am so smart! As we leave, my roommate practically voms in disgust as she watches me take a bite of quite possibly the worst food invention of mankind.
So we resume our trek back home. I have a bag of ice in one hand, a taquito in the other hand, and a taquito in my mouth. We're talking and laughing as a man pulls up and stops next to us and says, "Hello, ladies! Need a lift?" He creepily grins and winks. I turn to face him with a taquito sticking out of my mouth and think, "Oh my gosh YES! Yes, I would like to be taken into a creepy back alley while you and all of your friends enjoy the company of my beautiful roommate and I. I'm such a dumb little girl and will take rides from ANYONE, (especially you, Mr. Fifty-year-old-baldy). You look so fun!" Then we get in the car and leave.
Just kidding.
My roommate almost pees her pants again as I mumble a taquito-muffled, "Fno Fthanmks," and we continue walking. Roommate hasn't been out in Dallas much in the past 3 years so she's shocked that someone would ask us if we want a ride home. "Really?" I say. "Yeah, you're kinda right. I've never even heard of creepy old men hitting on anyone, ever! Dallas or anywhere else." Sarcasm. It wasn't appreciated.
We finally get home, pour ice over what food we did salvage (mostly condiments and butter), and I take a much needed shower. I promptly turn on Will & Grace, watch a few episodes as I write this entry, and then retire to my bed that is the most comfortable it has been in a loooooong time.
So long, Saturday. I will miss you greatly. You are my one day of freedom in the chaos-filled week that is my life.
But then again, I'm sure we'll cause more chaos next Saturday as well.
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