I love to eat healthy foods. I love love love LOOOOOOOVE to eat healthy. It makes me feel so good. It gives me energy and makes me feel strong when I workout. It makes me feel skinny. Which, who doesn't love to feel that way? But there is one thing I love more than all that: COOKIES!!!!
I love cookies. I can't live without them. And living with a roommate who makes the best homemade chocolate chip cookies on earth, I don't have to. (I haven't figured out if this is good or bad yet. I'm inflating a tire around my waist but they taste oh soooo good on my lips. But not on my hips. Jury's still out.) Meanwhile, I'm downing five with a large glass of milk and couldn't be happier.
Lately, however, my cookie consumption has been taken to a whole new level. This all began last Sunday when my roommate, Outdoors Woman, and I took a trip to CostCo. What, you ask, were two college girls doing at CostCo when they each only buy food for one person? Well, I wish I could answer your question. I was so struck by all the deals, that I bought everything in bulk. Now all my fruit that hasn't been eaten (20 apples, 30 oranges, and 5 pounds of strawberries, etc) is rotten. But I still got more bang for my buck right?! Just say yes and make me feel better... K thanks.
I'll have to fill you in later about our other trips to CostCo. They're always entertaining.
Anyway, on this trip, we were walking down the refrigerated aisle when we glanced through an iced-over magical window and saw heaven. I swear, there was a beam of light coming out of this door with a halo surrounding our object of desire. Yes, it was a 5 pound tub of Nestle cookie dough. At the same time, we both faced the grand item and whispered, "Oh. My. God." And being the fat kids that we are, we couldn't open the door fast enough. Clutching the cookie dough between the both of us, we looked from it to each other with sly grins on our faces and mischief in our eyes. We knew we were doing something very, very bad. It's almost illegal, it was so bad. (And yet, so good at the same time.) We bought the 5 pound tub of cookie dough with NO intention of ever making cookies....
We got home and before we even unloaded the car of our groceries, we cracked open the tub. I sincerely wish I could put into words the smell that wafted from that plastic container of glory. While we unloaded the car, we took a scoop of cookie dough in between each trip. I walked a little bit faster with those groceries knowing that some good ole raw cookie dough was waiting for me just up the stairs. (And I was carrying heavy boxes of food up stairs so I was basically working it all off, right? Right.)
Anyway, the cookie dough is ALREADY GONE. Yes, I repeat: my roommate and I finished a 5 pound tub of raw Nestle cookie dough in 5.25 days. I am proud and embarrassed at the same time. My affinity for this cookie dough got so bad that that's all I had for dinner on Tuesday AND Wednesday night. I ate some scoops of cookie dough and was so full (and quite possibly so sick) that I didn't want to eat anything else. AND I realized my caloric intake probably equalled that of a real dinner--plus some.
Hey, hey, hey. Ok let's see you have some control when you're up late studying at night and depressed because you really DON'T want to be studying but you HAVE to. What's a quick fix, eh? A LITTLE SCOOP OF COOKIE DOUGH!!! The only problem is, when you have one scoop, you only want another and another and another and another and another. It never ends, I swear. I've tried stopping so many times. It never works. Never ever. So that's how our 5 pound tub of cookie dough disappeared.
It was mostly my fault. My roommate bought it, so it technically was hers, but I ate most of it. She's been giving me grief ever since. So today, while my two roommates were doing homework and a few friends were over, my roommate whose cookie dough I ate kept saying, "I'm craving cookie dough......I want cookie dough.....Mmmm cookie dough." All while making suggestive sideways glances at me. I pretended to be intently watching the KU game, which was really hard today because they were playing AWFULLY. I couldn't keep from smiling whenever she made a comment. So finally I was like, "Alright. I've got to go to Target anyway to get some stuff; I'll pick some up for you." And my other roommate said, "Ohhh while you're there, will you pick up some semi-sweet chocolate chips and butter? I want to MAKE cookie dough." WTF guys?? REALLY?? BOTH??
So I go to Target, get my things, and get butter, cookie dough, and chocolate chips. Not only do I look like a fatty for buying a HUGE TUB of cookie dough for one roommate, but I'm also buying ingredients for cookie dough for another. The check-out guy gives me a weird look that says something like, "There's starving children in Africa and you're buying yourself two means of consuming cookie dough??" I felt so guilty. And yet, not. Because I knew they were not for me. It gave "walk of shame" a whole new meaning as I walked out of Target with my head hung low and bags of fat dragging behind me. That was the bad thing: I was the ONLY ONE who knew that all that bad stuff wasn't for me.
But then it was. I told myself so many times that I wasn't going to eat any of the cookie dough, but as soon as my roommate cracked open the tub, I was diving in with one spoon in each hand. Then my other roommate MADE cookie dough. And I decided to have some of that too. Both were delish, but the fresh dough was much better.
Then Outdoors Woman decided to have a blind taste test. She sat down, closed her eyes, and told us to feed her cookie dough and she would try to guess which was fresh and which was packaged and which one she liked better. You know you have a cookie dough problem when....
So now I'm sitting here, my tummy full of cookie dough, writing this and trying to convince myself how sick I feel and how much I hate cookie dough. And how I'm going to get salmonella poisoning. But I don't feel sick at all.
And I want more cookie dough.
