Bathroom from Hell

I'll paint you a nice little picture.

You walk in and immediately see the ceiling of Frankenstein's laboratory. There's different wires hanging all over, tin foil trying to cover up the sad excuse for an air conditioner and silver tubes running the length of the shower. The tubes are beginning to dip lower and lower so that every time you DO brave the shower, you are afraid you might get electrocuted while washing your hair.

Before you step into the shower, however, you have to shut the door. Well you might as well forget about that because after the first...second...third...fourth...fifteenth time of trying to slam the door shut with all of your weight impaled on it, it promptly shoots open. Today, after about the 11th time, my roommate yelled, "SHUT IT AND THEN while you're holding it shut, put all of your weight into the door. But act like you're going to open it and then jiggle the handle a few times so the little thing inside the handle comes unstuck!!!!!" So after I did that and turned my underwear inside out and did a little rain dance to the Egyptian gods all while saying the 'Our Father'.....the door swung open.

Not like it's anything new; I've been taking a shower with the door open all week. There's a curtain after all. And I live with two other girls who I am 100% certain are into guys, so I'm not really worried. The only thing that really bothers me is when I have to use the toilet that is RIGHT IN FRONT OF the door. So every time I'm sitting there, I'm super paranoid that someone is going to turn the corner and that it's about to get awkward. We've tried to avoid this unpleasant confrontation by announcing that we're using the restroom every time we have to go...which is also super awkward when you have company over. But it's not as bad as when they have to use the restroom...hahaa.

Also, the towel rack is coming off of the wall. We've strategically placed the nail that is (failing) to stay in the wall at such an angle that the towel rack is balancing by just a thread. So every time we throw a towel on it and forget that we actually can't use our towel rack, the whole thing comes undone and falls into our toilet. Thus prompting us to strategically fix our unusable towel rack again. I forget why we go through all this trouble.

Back to the shower:
We've completely ignored the whole every-time-you-take-a-shower-the-water-level-immediately-rises-to-mid-calf issue because our landlord said our hair was clogging the drain and we just needed some Draino. Well we've poured bottle after bottle of Draino down that freaking drain and NOTHING has happened. So when we were lucky enough to have some plumbers in the apartment fixing the other shower, (don't get me started) we had them look at the drain in this one and--ta da!--it has the completely wrong parts. AKA nothing is our fault and there's nothing that Draino can fix. Oh, Lord.

So our landlord said he's going to get our shower all fixed up as soon as he can...or as soon as he can come up with the money...which he said is hard to come by these days because of the economy. And we were like all sympathetic and what-not.

Until yesterday when my roommate was taking a shower while dealing with the possibility of being electrocuted and the tub full of water up to her ankles when I hear a loud BOOM come from the bathroom. I sigh and wonder, "What could possibly be left in the bathroom to go wrong??" Welllllllll, the soap tray that is tiled to the wall fell off. So now our wall is completely exposed, there's a rotted soap tray laying on the floor, and there's debris from the wall floating around in our tub. It's. Just. Gross.

I call my landlord and he sends my call to voicemail after two rings. So I text my roommate, "Stephen just rejected my phone call UGH!" and promptly get a text back that says, "I did not reject your call, it somehow went to voicemail. I will return your call later." Realizing I texted my landlord and NOT my roommate, I fall back on my bed, close my eyes, and come to terms with the fact that my bathroom will never be the same again.



I had a little thought today during my shower as I reached up to condition my hair (for what I feared might be the last time) that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if I had a little shock. Maybe there's some money to be made out of this huge inconvenience. But I'm not brave enough to shock myself and I don't want to die sooooooooo we'll see about that.