I Crashed

I Crashed.

Mentally and physically crashed.

A girl can only do so much.

These past few weeks have been rough.

We've been at 20 hours of practice a week for rowing with excruciating workouts.
I've had midterm after midterm and paper after paper.
I'm the head of the committee for the Student Athlete Tent for Boulevarding (the SMU version of "tailgating"...because we're too classy to use pick-up trucks). I have food, furniture, and people to organize.
I joined a sorority. (Yes, I'm biting my tongue right now, thankyouverymuch)
I have a social life. I think.

So yes, I crashed. It was the morning of last Wednesday. I was in the boat at 6 am just about to begin a workout when I fell asleep. SITTING UP in a boat in the middle of the lake. And I had a dream. A legitimate dream. I woke up when our coxswain started yelling at us to start. After doing part of the workout and been given a break, I honestly did not know how I was going to finish. It was soooooo hard to lift my arms to fix my ponytail, much less push my legs back over and over until they filled with lactic acid...and then keep doing it through the pain. I had a Business Statistics midterm at 10. After practice I would have one and a half hours to review before I had to take it. I remember thinking, "You just have to get through today and then you will be ok. You can sleep and everything will be ok. Just get through today." Do I need to say that that did not happen?

Do I need to say that I left my apartment looking terrible? Like I had been up all night experimenting with and mixing drugs? As I brushed white powder off my sweatpants, I got into my car. Thinking, thinking, thinking all the way to school: "You can do this, you can do this, you can do this, you can.....ohh don't hit that girl crossing the crosswalk....." BOOM.

No, I didn't hit the girl. I was too focused on her to see a car coming right at me. Yes, we collided. I looked up and made eye contact with the poor guy behind the wheel. Did I realize that I had just been in a car acident? Not until I got out of the car and was assessing the damage in the middle of the intersection right in front of the school's parking garage and just off of campus while everyone was walking to school did I realize that I had been in a car accident. AND IT WAS ALL MY FAULT. All of it.
I lost it. Completely and utterly in hysterics. Was there alot of damage? No. Not even. I wasn't even moving and he hit me going a mere 2 mph. There is a little dent on his front bumper and my car looks the same as always--pristine condition. I was bawling my eyes out in the middle of the intersection because I had failed to get through the day. As far as I knew at that moment in time, my life sucked. The amount of tears coming out of my eyes could have filled up a lake. I was kindof wishing that it did so that I could row away from the mess.

The nice gentlemen, after securing a witness, came over to the hott mess that I was. He asked if I was ok and then gave me a big hug and said everything was going to be all right. I put my arms around him like a bear trap. I was not letting go. NOT AT ALL. Yes, this is the man that I just hit and no, I don't know him at all, but he had an English accent that made him seem friendlier so why not? And besides, I really needed a hug.

I cannot get over how nice he was. He couldn't understand why I was crying so hard because it really wasn't "that big of a deal". He knew something else was wrong. He said, "Haley," (because we were on first name basis by then) "I sure hope its not the boys stressing you out?" trying to make me laugh. He even felt bad about me missing class! When I said I was missing an exam, he was like, "Oh heavens! Well let's get this wrapped up quick so you can go take that!" He asked the policeman to write me a "pass" to re-take the exam.

I made it to my next class looking like I took a few more hits inbetween passing periods. And shot something into my eyeballs to make them swell half-shut.

But now I'm good. For now....