It’s the last week of our internship so Kelly and I thought it necessary to continue with the whole Toby-is-hiding-from-the-Russian-Mafia thing. We’re brainstorming Tuesday morning when Kelly all of a sudden decides we’re giving Toby a ride home that evening.
Me: “Whyyyyy are we giving Toby a ride home?”
Kelly: “Because someone vandalized his car last night so he couldn’t drive to work today. His wife dropped him off but she can’t pick him up.”
Me: “Perfect! He’ll ask us because we already carpool—so he’ll just want to join.”
Kelly: “Ok, sure.”
Me: “I can’t wait for lunch.”
Kelly and I are eating in the cafeteria when Nathan joins. Immediately upon arriving, Nathan informs us for the 5th time today that he has a few meetings in the afternoon. I take this as the perfect opportunity to carry out Operation B.S.
Me: “What time are your meetings today, Nathan?”
Nathan: “2:00, 2:30, and 3:00.”
Me: “Do you have anything to do after that or are you just going to go home?”
Nathan: “Ohhh that’s a good idea! No, I don’t have anything to do.”
Me: “Lucky! Kelly and I have to stay until 5:30 today!”
Nathan: (shocked) “Why? You never stay that late.”
Kelly: “I know. We have to give Toby a ride home.”
Nathan: “YOU HAVE TO GIVE TOBY A RIDE HOME?! Oh man, are you serious? Do you know where he lives?”
Kelly and I exchange nervous glances—we hadn’t thought that far.
Kelly: “No, he didn’t tell us. I think we are meeting his wife somewhere though.”
Me: "We're on a need-to-know basis."
Nathan: “Oh good! Because he lives like 45 minutes away in ___.”
Me: "As far as you know..."
Nathan: “Wait, WHY are you giving TOBY a ride home?”
Kelly: “Because he doesn’t have a car.”
Nathan: “What? Why doesn’t he have a car?”
Kelly: “He went out to his car this morning and someone had taken like a baseball bat to it this morning and broke the windshield in. He couldn’t drive it to work today so his wife dropped him off.”
Nathan: “Oh my gosh! Are you serious?! WHY is Toby a target??”
Me: “I don’t know, but I feel so bad.”
Nathan: “Ok, what is going on with Toby? There’s no way people are after him because he’s a claims adjuster for an insurance broker. There has to be something going on. Maybe he got into some gambling trouble and doesn’t have the money to get out of it.”
I can’t even look at Kelly or else I’ll laugh hysterically and blow it.
Me: “No way. He’s building a new house. There’s no way he could build a new house if he is being threatened for his life for gambling.”
Nathan: “Hmm…I guess so. But there has got to be something else going on here. So it was a baseball bat?”
Kelly: “Well, they don’t know if it was a baseball bat exactly. It could be anything: a crow bar, a person pushing someone else really hard into the car, a pole, or someone just hit the windshield really hard with their hands.”
I am about to start cracking up. Is it possible to break a windshield by hitting it? Not only that, but no blood?
This is of no concern to Nathan.
Nathan: “Well, ugh, why is he telling YOU TWO all of this? I was talking to him earlier for 30 minutes and he didn’t tell me anything!”
Me: “I don’t know. It’s probably because we are women and women are more sympathetic than men. If he told another guy in the office that someone busted his car up, they’d probably just say, ‘Oh suck it up.’”
Nathan: “I wouldn’t. I’ve been trying to talk to him a lot lately and be there for him. I mean, I’m probably his 3rd best friend in the office after you two.”
I’m dying.
Me: “Well he’ll probably confide in you a lot more when we leave here on Friday.”
Nathan: “Ok, yeah, good.”
So we go back upstairs after lunch and I have to inform Toby of recent events.
I tell him, “So….I just gave Nathan an update on your ‘life’.”
Toby: “OHHH NOOOOO! (laughing) Is that why when he just walked by here he gave me a funny look?”
Me: “Haha yeah probably.”
Toby: “I can’t believe he believes you! This is too good—I have to get in on this. Perhaps HR would like to as well….”
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