The Office: The Grand Finale

So Kelly is the brains of this whole Russian Mafia Operation and I suppose I am the carrier-outer. Whatever. I like it.

Friday was our last day and we decided we needed to tell Nathan the truth....but NOT without one last addition. AKA the GRAND FINALE.

We decide that Toby has been fired. Rather, Kelly informs me that Marsha (our boss) received an anonymous phone call that if Toby is not fired, the entire office's safety is in jeopardy. Therefore, to protect the 70+ people, Marsha must quietly inform Toby that he must clean out his desk and remove himself from the office and speak to no one of this incident.

Conveniently, Kelly and I have meetings with Marsha Friday morning. This is when she lets such private information "slip out" and thus we are the only ones privy to the information, duh.

We inform Nathan of recent occurrences during lunch as always.

He sits down and asks how our meetings with Marsha went.

Kelly: "Mine went pretty well. She liked the work I did this summer. She did let something interesting slip out, however...Toby has been fired. But she told me not to tell anyone."

Me: "No way! She told me that too! But she told me not to tell anyone. And then she felt bad for saying it..."

Nathan: "Oh my God. Are you guys serious?! Why did Toby get fired??? It's the gambling thing, isn't it?! I knew it!"

Me: "Nathan, I seriously doubt Toby is in trouble for gambling. For real, he is in the middle of building a new house. And he is money-savy. He's not stupid enough to get in so much debt."

Kelly: "Yeah, I don't know what it is, but he's moving out during lunch. You should see his office when we get back. All of his stuff is gone!"

Nathan: "OHMIGOD! You're kidding! I have to see!"

As soon as lunch is over, we get in the elevator and ride up to our floor. Nathan is looking expectantly at our floor number and trying to use his super-mental powers to get us there quicker. The doors open and he runs down the hall....

.....to see Toby quietly working at his desk.

"Hi, Nathan." Toby says. (He knows what's up)

Nathan: "But...Kelly and Haley said you were fired."

Me: "Nathan, there is something we have to tell you..."

Kelly and I start giggling.

"....Toby isn't being hunted by the Russian Mafia."

Nathan: "He isn't?! ARE YOU SURE?!"

Kelly: "Yes, we're sure."

Me: "We made the whole thing up."

Nathan: "But...you were so serious...and convincing."

Me: "I know. You actually gave us the idea when you told us the story about Toby being guarded by security at his old job."

Nathan: "OH my gosh! I forgot I told you that!"

Me: "Yeah...we kind of took that and ran with it. And then we made up the whole vandalized car story and changed name and being fired and everything. You almost did more work than us with your deciding he was an indebted pool shark and his last name used to be Kowasaki and everything."

Nathan: "But you said it all with such a straight face!"

Me: "Actually, I was laughing the whole time but you never noticed because you always giggle as well."

Nathan: "That's true I suppose..."

Kelly: "And you never questioned the whole 'person-slamming-their-hands-into-the-windshield-without-any-blood-or-evidence' thing."

Nathan: "Now that you mention it, that does sound kind of fishy...."

We are all laughing hysterically, even Nathan, Marsha and Toby.

Nathan: "You know, I was really scared of Toby. I thought that if I associated myself with him that the Russian Mafia might come after me as well. I even told my parents."

Me: "YOU TOLD YOUR PARENTS?!" I'm actually quite concerned. This is serious.

Nathan: "Yeah, I told my dad the whole story and then I asked him if it was safe to continue working here. He said, 'That sure is interesting, son.'"

Toby: "You see, Haley! Your actions could have repurcussions! Nathan could have quit his job over nothing and been jobless!" He is being half-kidding...I think.

Me: "Oh well it was a harmless prank and everything is good now..." (Dodged a freaking bullet, I tell you.)

Nathan: "You're telling me! I started looking for clues around Toby's office about how he's not a real Texan. I mean, he has that huge Texas flag on his wall. Now seriously, who else besides a non-Texan who is trying to convince others he is Texan needs a huge ostentatious flag on his wall like that?"

Me: "I don't know, maybe a proud Texan?"

Nathan: "Shut up, Haley. Anyway, I also started looking at pictures of his kids and began thinking they were fake. I mean, they didn't look that much like him. They could have been posers for all I know. And that whole story about him babysitting his grandkids? Come on. He doesn't look old enough to have grand kids. And even so, if those kids aren't his real kids, then he doesn't have real grand kids."

Kelly: "See what I mean, Nathan? You did just as much work as us with keeping this whole thing going!"

Nathan: "I suppose you're right. Even so, I'm glad you told me before you left so I'm not afraid of Toby for the rest of my life."

And then we all bust out into fits of laughter again. Nathan walks Kelly and I to our car.

Nathan: "I don't know what I am going to do without you guys. I really am going to miss you."

Kelly: "Well perhaps you will have to hire us as your personal assistants/entertainers."

Nathan: "I will try to factor that into the budget."


Honestly, I actually will miss that place. And all the potential pranks that await there.