Count. Your. Dranks.

What a beautiful train wreck.

All the colors were so vivid. And I think I even heard applause...

Yes, we've all had those nights. One minute you're fine and having a great time, and the next minute (or a few hours later, depending) you're sitting in a circle in the grass while your friends tell you everything is going to be fine. And you're thinking, "No duh every thing's fine! I'm having a great time! Wait, where's the party? And where's that cute guy I was talking to a second ago?" Then you take a look at your watch and realize 3 hours have passed and the dawn will soon be breaking. And your hair is pulled back in the most improbable bun/ponytail sticking out of the side of your head and you're thinking, "Now who could possibly have done this?! Certainly not me!" And you would be correct.

I do not drink alcohol often. And rightfully so. For it does no sit well in my system or mix well with my body make-up. Yes, I'm an athlete and should be able to handle my fair share. And yet...I can't. I believe it has something to do with genetics. And most likely my incredibly horrible luck. Tie those two together with my propensity to perform the most embarrassing screw-ups and you, my friend, have yourself a winner! Either way, I should have learned my lesson by now. At least I have after this crash and burn. For now.

What I usually do, and usually works, is count my dranks. Quick vocab lesson: drank is the slang word my friends and I use to describe "a toxic yet delicious drink". I won't take the credit for coming up with that. According to urbandictionary.com, drank is "Codiene Cough Syrup/Promethazine. Usually sold by the pint. A normal cup down here in the H [Houston] is 2oz of Drank + 1 18 oz bottle of Sprite w/ 4 jolly ranchers. A cup can also consist of 4oz and even 6oz of drank + a liter of Sprite...The cough syrup (which is normally prescribed for 2 tablespoons every 8 hours) it's so thick that it just makes you lean cause' you so f***** up you can't even stand up...Tha s*** is tha bomb ya'll." Not my words. Also, I won't even pretend to be that hardcore. Because I'm not. I can't even imagine drinking cough syrup for fun. FOR FUN!? What ridiculousness is that!?!

That was like the opposite of fun when you were little. They tried to make the cough syrup sound delicious by naming it "grape" or "cherry" or "strawberry" or even "banana". Like it even came close to candy. Gross. It all tasted like plastic and didn't even make you feel that better. And even if it did, you were not going to tell Mom because then she'd just make you drink it again next time. So, thank you very much, but I'll just stick to my best friend Jack and mix in some Coke-a-Cola and we all can just hang out together. But I'm still gonna call it a "drank". Because, for some odd reason, I just sound soooo much cooler by substituting the "a" for the "i" and like totally changing up my lingo. Except for I don't. I just sounds like another youth trying to stand out from the crowd at all costs. And yet failing because everyone else is doing the same thing. But I'm still gonna say it!

So yeah, I'm that girl in the party dress sipping on my "drank" and hoping it doesn't sprout arms, legs, and a nasty attitude and turn on me. So for now, to try to stay away from the monstah, I'm abstaining from alcohol. Because as my good friend Outdoors Woman (who doesn't drink) taught me, "You can still have just as much fun at a party, if not more, watching all the other fools make messes of themselves." And she's right. And, unfortunately, I was that fool the other night. Not gonna say I didn't get some funny stories out of the night, because I did, but I wouldn't tell you. I've already said too much. Either way, having too much drank is never fun. Period.

Live and learn.