Volcano

I can't believe this happened to me.

Ok, who am I kidding? Of course I can believe it happened to me.


I literally have THE WORST luck ever. I told this to one of my roommates the other day and she said, "I don't believe in bad luck. I think things just happen. And mostly people deserve what happens to them."

"WHAAAAAAAT?" I yelp. "You honestly think I deserve everything that happens to me?" She looks at me sideways, reconsiders, and goes, "Well...you are kind of unfortunate." Thanks. That's more like it?

I try so extremely hard (ask everyone I know) to avoid the puddles on rainy days, but somehow I manage to dive right into them.

I won't even begin to tell you about the first part of my evening. Instead, I'll give you a little taste of what it was like by telling you how it ended.

It was approximately 2:30 AM when we arrived home. I was wide awake (and extremely hungry) when one of my friends texted me saying that she was wide awake (and extremely hungry.) She was wondering what I was up to. "Nothing. Just watching some lame-ass movie from 1991 where Julia Roberts hasn't realized her full potential and is thus playing the character of Tinker Bell. You?"
"I. Want. Food. Pick you up in 5."

So I go outside, get in the car, and we drive to Cafe Brazil. It is now almost 3 AM and I am expecting the place to be empty. WRONG.
It is SO PACKED. We had to wait for a table. At 3 am. We look at each other like, "WTF is going on?" but then realize everyone is doing the exact same thing we are doing. They're wide awake (and extremely hungry) so they're hitting up the best breakfast place in Dallas.

We order and wait awhile for our food. It finally comes and looks delicious! The only thing is that they didn't give us any silverware. They're running pretty slow service-wise and I'm really, really hungry (forgot to eat dinner) and I see a huge pickle on my plate. I LOVE PICKLES. I get so excited because this is finger food and I don't have to wait until I get silverware! I can dig right in and enjoy my pickle while it takes 399430429 years for the waiter to get our forks.

So I take a massive bite.

But it's not a pickle.


It's a jalapeno. A big one. It's hot. My mouth is on fire. We have no water, no milk, no freaking napkins to put out the fire on my tongue. I look at my plate to see if anything will help the massive volcano erupting in my mouth but all I've got are some onion and mushroom quesadillas (with cilantro) and seasoned potatoes. I look at my friend's plate and she offers me some of her pancakes to help ease the burning sensation that has all but destroyed my tongue and taste buds. Having no silverware (remember) I rip the pancake apart like the hulk to his super-tight T-shirt and stuff part of the thing in my mouth. Then I drink a huge glass of water and hope that it feels better.

It doesn't. For the entire rest of the meal.


The rest of the evening, my friend can't stop snorting water through her nose as she says, "I can't believe you ATE A JALAPENO!!!!"


And to be honest, I can't believe I did either. We talk until about 4:16 AM when we finally decide to call it a night. I'm still feeling my tongue to see if it's still there while she continually cackles about me biting into a jalapeno. "I've got to give you some credit, however," she says. "Most girls would have gotten all pissy and upset. But you acted like nothing happened, really."

I respond: "It's almost like I expect these kinds of things to happen. I used to get so upset and worried about these little things all the time, but I have come to accept the fact that I will always, always have problems like this and always, always do stupid stuff like this. If I get mad, that doesn't help anyone. But if I laugh, then other people get to laugh too."

And I like that.