I sincerely apologize in my lack of posts. I have, as you know, been traveling around like a chicken with my head cut-off among five (France, Belgium, Germany, UK, US) different countries in the past week. This left little time to blog.
I arrived home Sunday evening. My plane landed safely in the US and the first thing I thought of when I passed a Margarita bar in Chicago's O'Hara Airport was, "Oh LORD after all this travelling I deserve a margarita." And then it hit me. And I stopped walking. As my face drained of color and I sank slowly to the floor, I realized that, once again, I am now under the legal drinking age. After having the liberty to stop in the middle of a shopping trip with friends for a glass of wine any time we pleased, I now feel like something has been taken away from me. And I. Don't. Like it.
I boarded my other plane and landed without a hitch in KC. As I walked out of the gate entirely exhausted, I saw my family with big smiles on their faces, waving signs and taking pictures of me. And it made me so happy. I missed them so much.
Fast forward to Monday at 10 AM. I have a weird feeling all night and all morning. And I can't figure out what it is. I just dropped my dad off somewhere and am driving back home while listening to my Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros CD when "Home" comes on. And I realize what's going on.
I'm stuck in Limbo. I have an awkward 4 days ahead of me where I just have to wander around aimlessly as I wait for the next part of my life to begin: junior year. As "Home" plays, I get the chills. And usually you only get the chills for a couple seconds, right? No, not this time. And this was the first time it happened to me. I had the chills the whole time the song was playing. I was full of so many mixed emotions I hadn't even noticed until then. I think the song really got to me because I'm not really sure where my home is right now. At Oxford, I really made a life for myself there. I had my routines. We had the places we went on certain days to hang out and/or shop. We ate at the same times and at the same places. I loved my room. I did my own thing there a lot and I loved it. One night (after being out) I absentmindedly updated my status saying, "Just got home for the night! What fun!" and one of my friends from KC commented saying, "WHAT? England is home now?!" I didn't really think about it that way, but I guess subconsciously I had become really comfortable there and it became my new normal. I loved it so much and I guess I really can see myself living there someday. (Perhaps thats why tears were streaming down my cheeks at 5 AM the morning we were leaving...) I mean, KC will always be my childhood home--and my family and old friends are here--but I also think Dallas is my new home, my current home. School, rowing, SAAC, my job, my apartment, and my other friends are there. Our local hangouts, where I shop for food for MY fridge, where we go on the weekends...it's all there. And it's all mine. Being in KC these past couple of days has been great, don't get me wrong, but I've had to find things to do to fill my time. Things that were ok to do, but didn't really have much of a purpose. Not like how I spend my time in Dallas: I'm on my own and everything has a purpose. Here, everyone has already left for their respective colleges, my parents are back at work, and all the grade schools and high schools have started. It's as if I'm the only one who's life hasn't come back yet. I feel like I'm sitting around, waiting for something to happen or begin, even though I'm doing anything and everything to fill my days.
So there you have it. I have two more days to unpack, clean, and repack everything in my room. And then try to find other things to do. Because everyone is getting on with their lives and mine's not ready to pick back up yet.
Even though it's basically a love song, I still love it. And it still makes me think about where my home is.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Where's the excitement in planning ahead?
I'm not sure if I subconsciously crave mass chaos, but I somehow always seem to attract it.
And no, I'm not talking about last night when our whole program went on our last Booze...ahem, I mean BOAT Cruise. And no, I did not get drunk. Nope nope nope. I took care of everyone else. Gold star for me. This post would be way too long if I told you everything that happened last night. But I suppose that means I've attracted two instances of chaos within the last 24 hours...great.
I'm talking about today. Yes, today when I tried (key word: tried) to book my train tickets to and from Euskirchen, Germany. I sound like a fool when I try to pronounce it. Either way, after searching online for a few hours over the last couple of days comparing times and prices, I finally have my route and timeline figured out. I was so proud. I go to book it and have everything planned out when they tell me....
Roadblock Number 1: They have to ship the tickets to me and want to know when I'm leaving The States. Can't ship the tickets anywhere BUT the US. Hmm...that won't do me any good...I'm already in Europe. So I think shipping them to the person I'm staying with in Belgium is the smartest idea--that way I'll get them in time. Also, since I'm so responsible, I don't know my address here in the UK where I've been staying for the past 5 weeks. So Belgium it is. Of course you can't do ANY of this online, so I decide to call RailEurope via Skype. It's free. That's literally the only thing I had going for me today.
Talk to a nice lady and she helps me figure everything out AGAIN. We had to re-figure everything because some trains are already booked, my luck is bad, etc. Almost done and ready to pay when...
Roadblock Number 2: Call is dropped. UGH! Knowing that RailEurope has over a thousand employees and chances of talking to the same lady again are about a million to one, I resolve to Skype call them again to start over. What else was I going to do? Gotta get to Germany.
So I talk to a different lady and tell her my last call was dropped just to prepare her. This time she gives me a confirmation number to track my itinerary just in case. This was a good call. Because, yet again, we are ALMOST finished when...
Roadblock Number 3: Call is dropped. Again.
I call back. The first two ladies were super nice. But this man is mean. Very mean. I came to the conclusion that he hates his life. He has to help other people prepare their awesome European adventures while he sits in a cubicle all day long. I'd hate my life too. We look up my already-planned trip and--surprise!--it's actually there. And it's a whopping 400 dollars. WHAT?! For two trips? Interesting. He e-mails it to me and.....
Roadblock Number 4: I find a ton of extra charges on each ticket. The lady thought I wanted First Class. Wait, you couldn't hear the poor-college-student's-desperate-need-for-money dripping from my every word? She also thought I wanted rail insurance. False. Finally getting my fare filed down to only 300 dollars, I feel better. A little. Scrooge on the line asks the address in Belgium so they can ship it. Realizing...
Roadblock Number 5: I asked my friend in Germany for her address--not the lady in Belgium--so I have to to say I don't have it. Ignoring the disappointment and frustration in his voice, I apologize and hang up the phone. I stare at my computer screen for at least 10 minutes contemplating exactly how I just spent the last 4+ hours. When finals are on Friday. And I've done nothing to prepare.
Don't worry, I'm sure everything will turn out fine. That way, I can be surprised and thrown for a loop when it doesn't! I can't wait for the excitement to continue...
And no, I'm not talking about last night when our whole program went on our last Booze...ahem, I mean BOAT Cruise. And no, I did not get drunk. Nope nope nope. I took care of everyone else. Gold star for me. This post would be way too long if I told you everything that happened last night. But I suppose that means I've attracted two instances of chaos within the last 24 hours...great.
I'm talking about today. Yes, today when I tried (key word: tried) to book my train tickets to and from Euskirchen, Germany. I sound like a fool when I try to pronounce it. Either way, after searching online for a few hours over the last couple of days comparing times and prices, I finally have my route and timeline figured out. I was so proud. I go to book it and have everything planned out when they tell me....
Roadblock Number 1: They have to ship the tickets to me and want to know when I'm leaving The States. Can't ship the tickets anywhere BUT the US. Hmm...that won't do me any good...I'm already in Europe. So I think shipping them to the person I'm staying with in Belgium is the smartest idea--that way I'll get them in time. Also, since I'm so responsible, I don't know my address here in the UK where I've been staying for the past 5 weeks. So Belgium it is. Of course you can't do ANY of this online, so I decide to call RailEurope via Skype. It's free. That's literally the only thing I had going for me today.
Talk to a nice lady and she helps me figure everything out AGAIN. We had to re-figure everything because some trains are already booked, my luck is bad, etc. Almost done and ready to pay when...
Roadblock Number 2: Call is dropped. UGH! Knowing that RailEurope has over a thousand employees and chances of talking to the same lady again are about a million to one, I resolve to Skype call them again to start over. What else was I going to do? Gotta get to Germany.
So I talk to a different lady and tell her my last call was dropped just to prepare her. This time she gives me a confirmation number to track my itinerary just in case. This was a good call. Because, yet again, we are ALMOST finished when...
Roadblock Number 3: Call is dropped. Again.
I call back. The first two ladies were super nice. But this man is mean. Very mean. I came to the conclusion that he hates his life. He has to help other people prepare their awesome European adventures while he sits in a cubicle all day long. I'd hate my life too. We look up my already-planned trip and--surprise!--it's actually there. And it's a whopping 400 dollars. WHAT?! For two trips? Interesting. He e-mails it to me and.....
Roadblock Number 4: I find a ton of extra charges on each ticket. The lady thought I wanted First Class. Wait, you couldn't hear the poor-college-student's-desperate-need-for-money dripping from my every word? She also thought I wanted rail insurance. False. Finally getting my fare filed down to only 300 dollars, I feel better. A little. Scrooge on the line asks the address in Belgium so they can ship it. Realizing...
Roadblock Number 5: I asked my friend in Germany for her address--not the lady in Belgium--so I have to to say I don't have it. Ignoring the disappointment and frustration in his voice, I apologize and hang up the phone. I stare at my computer screen for at least 10 minutes contemplating exactly how I just spent the last 4+ hours. When finals are on Friday. And I've done nothing to prepare.
Don't worry, I'm sure everything will turn out fine. That way, I can be surprised and thrown for a loop when it doesn't! I can't wait for the excitement to continue...
Sunday, August 1, 2010
If ya wanna be my lover
Alright, so I'm taking you back 10+ years. Over half my life ago. Wow, when I put it that way, it's weird. Time has gone by so fast. Ok, enough of nostalgia--I don't have time for that right now. I'm already procrastinating on reading 3 books and writing 2 papers to post here, so let's make it quick.
The inspiration of this post comes from last night's late-night bus ride. Everyone was drunk after attending a concert in the British countryside. Therefore, they assumed it would be appropriate to karaoke every known cliqued song from the 90s to the 10-plus professors present on our bus. I don't think they appreciated it. I was having a ball though.
Sitting next to one of my best friends, she suddenly starts busting out The Spice Girls' "If Ya Wanna Be My Lover." Almost instantaneously, I was rocketed back to a vision of the 2nd grade me running around my backyard with a make-shift microphone of aluminum foil over a Styrofoam ball singing to my "boyfriend" (ahem, a tree) about how our relationship was going to last. Those oh, so wise words of Ginger, Scary, Sporty, Baby, and Posh (that's right, I remember their names at the drop of a hat) were magical and completely dead-on. As a girl who was experienced in the ways of the world (or so I thought), I couldn't have put it better myself.
Mom comes out and announces it's time to go. It's a Friday. And that can only mean one thing: ROLLER RINK TIME. I get on the latest fashion: jean overalls with a neon flowered shirt, pink plastic hair barrettes, and toe socks. I. Look. Hott. Make sure I've got my roller blades and we're off. I can barely contain my excitement as the mere 5 minutes it takes to drive there seems to be an hour.
Oh how I remember the sheer joy of flying around the roller rink listening to The Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N'sync, and Chumbawamba (don't tell me you don't remember them). The limbo always came too soon. After failing to go under the stick and falling flat on my butt a few times, there were only a few more songs until "Late Night Skate" began and we had to leave. As I walked out, I admired the older kids waiting in line. Man, those 6th and 7th graders were so cool! They were so old and mature and, wow, their moms let them dye their hair different colors and get piercings. Don't even get me started on the belly shirts of the 90s--my mom would NEVER let me wear those cool outfits! Not that I would dream of asking. But I always admired from afar. It was always still light outside when we left, but I felt like I had partied until the next morning. I was a rock star.
"Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom can we pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease go to McDonalds? Every one's gonna go there after! You can get a Diet Coke. And I want a toy."
The inspiration of this post comes from last night's late-night bus ride. Everyone was drunk after attending a concert in the British countryside. Therefore, they assumed it would be appropriate to karaoke every known cliqued song from the 90s to the 10-plus professors present on our bus. I don't think they appreciated it. I was having a ball though.
Sitting next to one of my best friends, she suddenly starts busting out The Spice Girls' "If Ya Wanna Be My Lover." Almost instantaneously, I was rocketed back to a vision of the 2nd grade me running around my backyard with a make-shift microphone of aluminum foil over a Styrofoam ball singing to my "boyfriend" (ahem, a tree) about how our relationship was going to last. Those oh, so wise words of Ginger, Scary, Sporty, Baby, and Posh (that's right, I remember their names at the drop of a hat) were magical and completely dead-on. As a girl who was experienced in the ways of the world (or so I thought), I couldn't have put it better myself.
Mom comes out and announces it's time to go. It's a Friday. And that can only mean one thing: ROLLER RINK TIME. I get on the latest fashion: jean overalls with a neon flowered shirt, pink plastic hair barrettes, and toe socks. I. Look. Hott. Make sure I've got my roller blades and we're off. I can barely contain my excitement as the mere 5 minutes it takes to drive there seems to be an hour.
Oh how I remember the sheer joy of flying around the roller rink listening to The Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, N'sync, and Chumbawamba (don't tell me you don't remember them). The limbo always came too soon. After failing to go under the stick and falling flat on my butt a few times, there were only a few more songs until "Late Night Skate" began and we had to leave. As I walked out, I admired the older kids waiting in line. Man, those 6th and 7th graders were so cool! They were so old and mature and, wow, their moms let them dye their hair different colors and get piercings. Don't even get me started on the belly shirts of the 90s--my mom would NEVER let me wear those cool outfits! Not that I would dream of asking. But I always admired from afar. It was always still light outside when we left, but I felt like I had partied until the next morning. I was a rock star.
"Mom mom mom mom mom mom mom can we pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease go to McDonalds? Every one's gonna go there after! You can get a Diet Coke. And I want a toy."
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