The Circle

It appears that I have tried to evade Shawnee, Kansas......and have failed.

I love my grandparents. I have spent my entire life admiring them and wondering how I can find a relationship like theirs. To everyone else, it seems dysfunctional. And to me, growing up, I have wondered how my grandmother managed to lassle a man as stubborn and as worldly as my grandfather. At the same time, I wondered how my grandfather managed to hook a woman as lovely, patient, and loving as my grandmother. It's like they should repel each other....and yet, were made for each other at the same time. I don't know how to explain it other than IT WORKS AND I WANT IT.

My grandfather doesn't listen to anyone and I love him for it. (Everyone else is annoyed.) Perhaps it's that, "I'm going to do what I want to do, so help me God," that I've learned from him and we understand each other without talking about it. After all, I picked up and went to Texas in a decision made in less 24 hours. Who was to stop me? No one. Even he wanted me to stay close to him but I want to do what I want to do.

So I went. To Texas. To get out of Kansas City. To grow as a person. Or so I thought.

Yet I always find myself returning to Kansas City and admiring its beauty and history. I taunt others with how magestic the city is, how much it has to offer, and its widespread glory. They question my sincerity: "If Kansas City is so great, then why did you leave?" I am dumbfounded; I don't know.

I thought that distancing myself from the familiar would help me grow as a person. But now, perhaps I need to look closer at what I love and appreciate it more.

I have spent the past 3 years looking for something to make me happy. Now, I'm realizing that perhaps what I need has been staring me right in the face for the first 18 years of my life. It's weird to realize, but I like it.

It's kind of a learning experience. Similar to, "You don't know what you've had until you've lost it." I gave away Kansas City for Dallas, Texas. I told EVERYONE that I was never moving back home. Now, however, I think I might be realizing that Kansas City is exactly what I need.

It will be interesting to see where I go from here.

All I can hope for is a spouse that drives me crazy, yet I can't live without him at the same time. To others, it may appear that my grandparents are at their wits end with each other, but I know that they loved each other so deeply. I know that they complemented each other so much that, if I even come close to their relationship, I will be the luckiest girl in the world.

Even now, when I see them, I think they are the greatest people in the entire world. They will never see this but that's ok. I love them and I think they are so amazing. They are loved my so many people, but most of all......ME.